Why I Don't Go In

Super Boots is home! I can't believe I survived.... and more importantly that my kids did as well. Usually he comes home at ungodly hours so we wait in the car, and he comes to us. But THIS time, he came home during the day! And I had a friend who was also going to be there, she is nice and funny, seems like a good Mom and so far she seems to like me too. (Eventually she'll figure out I'm all jaded and sarcastic). So I decided to go in. My kids made signs, I dressed them in their cutest red, white and blue and hoped for the best.

But instead I got this....

*We walk in holding signs and excited*

Me- "Ok guys you know the rules... best behavior"
Mini Boots- "Yeah Daddy Home! " and he begins jumping like a pogo stick... boing boing boing....
Little Britches- "Ohh look Mom Helicopters! I wanna be a helicopter. Vrrrrrrrrr" Starts running in a circle, 'wings' out.
Mini Boots- "Me too. Vrrrrrrrr"
Me- "You guys can only be helicopters in the kiddie area. Go. Over. There."
Mini Boots- boing boing boing... vrrrrrrr..... boing boing boing

*I beging to regret coming inside*

Me- "Alright guys, lets line up and hold our signs out so Super Boots sees us!"
Mini Boots- boing boing boing
Little Britches- Vrrrrrrrrrr

*And then Mini Boots proceeds to hang on the doors that say emergency exit, and I see the Super Boots Boss giving me the evil eye. I wanted to crawl into a hole. And my friend is all awesome and "They're just excited, everyone gets it." Which makes me more embarrassed because my kids are the ONLY ones acting out aviation fantasies*

Me- "Oh god. Alright, you have to stay still. Be a tree."
Mini boots- Boing boing boing... "No Mommy, don't pick up. Mommy NO. BWAHHHHH!"
Little Britches- "I don't want to be a tree. I want to be a HELICOPTER."
Me- teeth clenched "Be a TREE. Or I will...." sigh...
Mini Boots- Boing boing boing

And then Daddy walks in, and they are QUIET. Eyes on the floor, they barley say Hi. But by now I am stress sweating and the first thing out of my mouth is... "Hi! So can we get out of here NOW?"

And that is why we will no longer go in for pick ups. Because my kids are not trees. They are helicopters and pogo sticks and I want my husband to come home to a Mommy who doesn't need a valium and margarita cocktail.