Halloween was awesome. I couldn't have asked for it to go much better. The weather? A wonderful Florida 70 . The candy? Plentiful and already raided. The kids? Cute as can be, super excited and surprisingly well behaved. But there were three things I saw that made me get all spazzy and annoyed.
1. To the mini adults Trick-Or-Treating, if you are old enough to have a Monroe Piercing, you are too old to be Trick-Or-Treating. Also if you boobs are shoved into a corset. You. Are. Too. Old.
2. To the guy driving his kids from house to house, really? Despite the fact that you come off as incredibly lazy, it's creepy. I mean, are you planning on snatching one of the innocent Trick-Or-Treaters? Because I see a car slowly following children in my neighborhood I am pretty sure you have an underground lair filled with kids chained up. So yeah, I'm watching you potential pedophile. And taking down your license plate.
3. To the Mom Trick-Or-Treating for the two month old baby, I know that candy is for you. That baby isn't old enough to be getting anything other than boob or bottle so just tell me you have a major case of PMS and I'll gladly fill your bag with miniature snickers, because I get that. But don't insult my intelligence and stop pretending we don't know what you're up to.
You know there are always gonna be a few who make you go hmmm. But in spite of the weirdo's it was amazing. We are all in candy comas.... and I can't wait til next year.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Crack is Whack
I love Halloween. It's such a fun holiday. The dressing up, the candy, the decorating, I mean what's not to love about this day? Well... there is one thing I am not impressed with this year. This year Halloween falls on a Sunday. Which means my kids are going to have a sugar hangover on Monday. They will be crabby and cantankerous. My Monday's are hard enough without adding this struggle to my list.
Little Britches and Mini Boots especially love Halloween because its the one day when they can eat whatever kind of candy the choose, until they don't want anymore. One day out of the year they get to experience a candy free for all. They eat healthy food 364 days a year and I cautiously limit their sugar intake. This is not to say they never get treats, but I am definitely not a Mom who serves cookies for snacks or offers dessert every night. Before you feel like I am judging Mom's who dole out treats whenever the mood suits them, you should know that is not the case. It's just that MY kids turn into cracked out hyperactive trolls when sugar, even in small quantities, is ingested. And have you ever had to live with a crack head? All they can think about is their next fix, they start shaking and get straight up rude if they don't get it. And I can't deal. So Halloween is the one day I loosen the reigns.
But his year it's on a Sunday. Mini Boots and Little Britches will be bouncing off the walls for hours after we get home from trick-or-treating, and I will be worried about them not getting enough sleep. They will dump out their treats onto the living room floor, tearing into fun size candy bars like they are starving kids from Africa, and I will have to deal with trying to get them changed and bathed while they are strung out. And the next day when they are exhausted from not enough sleep, and crashing from the high of unlimited candy bliss, I have to get up and drag their butts to school and speech. Ugh. So I am starting a petition to change Halloween from October 31st to the last Saturday of the month. Wouldn't that make our lives so much easier? Knowing we had a full day of recovery and not having to explain their whacked out behavior and cracked out attitudes? I am pretty sure Mom's everywhere can agree, dealing with the Halloween fall out in our own homes, with Daddy help, would be awesome! So who's with me?
Little Britches and Mini Boots especially love Halloween because its the one day when they can eat whatever kind of candy the choose, until they don't want anymore. One day out of the year they get to experience a candy free for all. They eat healthy food 364 days a year and I cautiously limit their sugar intake. This is not to say they never get treats, but I am definitely not a Mom who serves cookies for snacks or offers dessert every night. Before you feel like I am judging Mom's who dole out treats whenever the mood suits them, you should know that is not the case. It's just that MY kids turn into cracked out hyperactive trolls when sugar, even in small quantities, is ingested. And have you ever had to live with a crack head? All they can think about is their next fix, they start shaking and get straight up rude if they don't get it. And I can't deal. So Halloween is the one day I loosen the reigns.
But his year it's on a Sunday. Mini Boots and Little Britches will be bouncing off the walls for hours after we get home from trick-or-treating, and I will be worried about them not getting enough sleep. They will dump out their treats onto the living room floor, tearing into fun size candy bars like they are starving kids from Africa, and I will have to deal with trying to get them changed and bathed while they are strung out. And the next day when they are exhausted from not enough sleep, and crashing from the high of unlimited candy bliss, I have to get up and drag their butts to school and speech. Ugh. So I am starting a petition to change Halloween from October 31st to the last Saturday of the month. Wouldn't that make our lives so much easier? Knowing we had a full day of recovery and not having to explain their whacked out behavior and cracked out attitudes? I am pretty sure Mom's everywhere can agree, dealing with the Halloween fall out in our own homes, with Daddy help, would be awesome! So who's with me?
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Are You Up For It?
So I've been thinking. I need a new challenge in my life. My kids are awesome but I, the Mommy and ruler of all, am needing a bit more right now. Something for me to hang my hat on. Something thats stands alone. Super Boots is gone and the whole only talking to kids thing is making me a little bit crazy. Since I am this close to turning into that Mom who chats up the grocery store cashier I need an outlet. And in case you haven't noticed writing is like the BEST outlet for me. So I am making a deal with myself. The month of November will be my first full month of blogging. As in I'm gonna do it every day... excluding weekends and holidays. Now I'm not saying my posts are gonna be super awesome, but I'm gonna put something out there every day. Because I have more time while he's gone. And by more time I mean no one to talk to while I sip a glass of wine, completely exhausted after bedtime. It's gonna be a month full of adventures in cracked out holiday madness, IEP's, one insane thanksgiving road trip, and I want to share it with you. Wish me luck, and check back often.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Deployment-Itis
Here's the deal. My husband and I almost never fight. I mean, it's pretty rare for us to get fuming mad at each other (excluding pregnancy induced hormonal moments of nuttiness). Super Boots is the most laid back guy you could meet and while I am definitely more high strung, he has a way of talking me off the ledge. He is my balance, my own personal zen. But right before a deployment, well... things get tense. When things get tense we bicker. And inevitably there is one big blow up before he leaves.
We kind of have a system, a pre-deployment check list that involves preparing the house for no man help and squeezing in fun filled seasonal activities. There are things I need him to do before he leaves like mow the lawn one last time, touch up the paint on the swing set, clean the carpets and get down Halloween decorations from the attic. Because I KNOW I won't have time and will be too busy keeping three children, two dogs and a few fish ALIVE. So I write it down and give him the "List" .... but all he wants to do is play with the kids, and snuggle the baby, take long hot showers and cook elaborate meals. Because he will MISS all of those things. And it makes me totally insane that he can't just help me out. So I get pissed. And then he gets pissed because I am not UNDERSTANDING that all of those things are more important than clean carpets. Even though I know this (Duh!), all I can think about is how the hell am I going to find time to clean the carpets? Those moments of irrational frustrations, usually based on the fear I won't be able to accomplish all that is asked of a single Mom, creates a big case of Deployment-Itis.
You can diagnose your own case of Deployment-Itis, here are a few signs to look for:
*You loose sleep over the unfinished chair rail you had hoped to install.
*The thought of attending parties alone, or worse with you and the kids, makes your eye all twitchy.
*You know finding time to pluck your eyebrows will feel like an overwhelming task, and decide to bring back the Brook Sheilds caterpillar look.
*You have nightmares about the kids asking for sleepovers.
*It's 2am, your husband is sleeping... and you are watching him... wishing he would wake up... to clean the carpets.
*You begin over-scheduling the weeks after he leaves. Because busy is way better than bored when you're missing him.
*You buy a six-pack. Of vodka.
*You're pissed. Because this sucks.
Sometimes I cry before he leaves, but usually I don't. I pour my energy into getting ready for him to be gone. I know I would feel better if I cried and let it out, but it's just not real until I drop him off. So we plan for all the things that will happen when he is gone and get into a fight about finishing the "list." Because the reality is just too much to bear sometimes. And after a couple of days of deep Deployment-Itis it hits me how much I am going to miss him. And I can back off a bit, letting him snuggle and shower without resentment, all the while taking mental snapshots of these everyday moments that define our life together. No matter how much we prepare, things will go wrong, I will feel overwhelmed and we will all miss him like crazy. So when it's time, we pack him up, drop him off and I finally surrender to the grief and cry on the way home.
We kind of have a system, a pre-deployment check list that involves preparing the house for no man help and squeezing in fun filled seasonal activities. There are things I need him to do before he leaves like mow the lawn one last time, touch up the paint on the swing set, clean the carpets and get down Halloween decorations from the attic. Because I KNOW I won't have time and will be too busy keeping three children, two dogs and a few fish ALIVE. So I write it down and give him the "List" .... but all he wants to do is play with the kids, and snuggle the baby, take long hot showers and cook elaborate meals. Because he will MISS all of those things. And it makes me totally insane that he can't just help me out. So I get pissed. And then he gets pissed because I am not UNDERSTANDING that all of those things are more important than clean carpets. Even though I know this (Duh!), all I can think about is how the hell am I going to find time to clean the carpets? Those moments of irrational frustrations, usually based on the fear I won't be able to accomplish all that is asked of a single Mom, creates a big case of Deployment-Itis.
You can diagnose your own case of Deployment-Itis, here are a few signs to look for:
*You loose sleep over the unfinished chair rail you had hoped to install.
*The thought of attending parties alone, or worse with you and the kids, makes your eye all twitchy.
*You know finding time to pluck your eyebrows will feel like an overwhelming task, and decide to bring back the Brook Sheilds caterpillar look.
*You have nightmares about the kids asking for sleepovers.
*It's 2am, your husband is sleeping... and you are watching him... wishing he would wake up... to clean the carpets.
*You begin over-scheduling the weeks after he leaves. Because busy is way better than bored when you're missing him.
*You buy a six-pack. Of vodka.
*You're pissed. Because this sucks.
Sometimes I cry before he leaves, but usually I don't. I pour my energy into getting ready for him to be gone. I know I would feel better if I cried and let it out, but it's just not real until I drop him off. So we plan for all the things that will happen when he is gone and get into a fight about finishing the "list." Because the reality is just too much to bear sometimes. And after a couple of days of deep Deployment-Itis it hits me how much I am going to miss him. And I can back off a bit, letting him snuggle and shower without resentment, all the while taking mental snapshots of these everyday moments that define our life together. No matter how much we prepare, things will go wrong, I will feel overwhelmed and we will all miss him like crazy. So when it's time, we pack him up, drop him off and I finally surrender to the grief and cry on the way home.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Mom-Tuition
Sometimes you just KNOW. Like deep down, in your gut, know that something is not right. Maybe your kid is being "too" quiet. Maybe your child is telling you why they didn't get a sticker at school, and it's just not adding up. Maybe the Dr. says it's a cold but you just know its not and after demanding more tests bronchitis is discovered. Some people call this intuition. I call it Mom-Tuition. And I totally believe it saves lives.
I have had my own fair share of Mom-Tuition moments. Quite a few actually, but the one that always comes to mind when discussing this is the "Third Floor Incident." When Little Britches was 16 months I decided to check on her. She was napping and I knew if I woke her up the rest of the day would be horrible. She was quiet and there were no indications anything was wrong. But I felt compelled to peek in on her. To my horror I found her standing on a desk with her face smashed up against the window. Her bedroom was on the THIRD floor. Yup. Talk about a freak out moment. (I pretty much turned my living room into her bedroom after that one). But the point is, I trusted my instincts. And if I hadn't *shudder* who knows what could have happened!
It must be biological because every mother I know has at least a dash of it. Some have more than others but everyone has a story. And it never seems to go away. I have even heard stories of Mom's getting a feeling that something is not right with their kids who are at college 1500 miles away. It's part of the connection to your child you can't describe, and only entirely understood once you're in the Mom's club. So when you feel like something is off, trust your instincts and embrace your own Mom-Tuition.
I have had my own fair share of Mom-Tuition moments. Quite a few actually, but the one that always comes to mind when discussing this is the "Third Floor Incident." When Little Britches was 16 months I decided to check on her. She was napping and I knew if I woke her up the rest of the day would be horrible. She was quiet and there were no indications anything was wrong. But I felt compelled to peek in on her. To my horror I found her standing on a desk with her face smashed up against the window. Her bedroom was on the THIRD floor. Yup. Talk about a freak out moment. (I pretty much turned my living room into her bedroom after that one). But the point is, I trusted my instincts. And if I hadn't *shudder* who knows what could have happened!
It must be biological because every mother I know has at least a dash of it. Some have more than others but everyone has a story. And it never seems to go away. I have even heard stories of Mom's getting a feeling that something is not right with their kids who are at college 1500 miles away. It's part of the connection to your child you can't describe, and only entirely understood once you're in the Mom's club. So when you feel like something is off, trust your instincts and embrace your own Mom-Tuition.
How About a Nice Stiletto to the Eye?
As many of you know Mini Boots has a language disorder. And if you read this, you know how proud of his progress I am. You may also remember that he started preschool. And the transition has been tough. Kids with languade disorders have to work so much harder every day. The have to process all the information coming at them, and the effort is exhausting. I know how hard he is working, not just because I see it happen at home, but also because he is taking loooonnnnggg naps at the end of every school day.
We have been dealing with some inclusion issues at school. And by inclusion what I really mean is EXclusion. Since language issues in kids often manifest themselves as behavior problems in the classroom, Mini Boots has been acting out. I have been told he is very "disobedient" because he "refuses" to stay still at circle time, and shovels too much food into his mouth at lunch, and touches other kids in line up. I know he's going to struggle to follow the rules, but sitting still, keeping hands to ourselves... well... these are problems all three year olds (and some adults I know) have trouble with. So when she tells me that because he has been not sitting still during circle time he is preemptively being placed in the back of the room I want to dig out my one (and only) pair of stilletos and stab her in the eye.... maybe then she would understand how hard it is to live with a disability.
My heat aches thinking about him sitting him in the back of the room, by himself, not knowing what he did wrong but understanding he must have done something because he is not allowed to sit with the rest of the group. And if he is not given the chance to succeed I fear he will dislike school and not learn to engage in the expected behavior. And guess what? His behavior problems will only increase. Because he doesn't understand why he is being singled out. Isolation is NOT acceptable in classrooms. And my sweet son deserves to be there getting the opportunity to learn as much as any other child.
I am reminded yet again how important it is for parents to advocate for their children, and to be involved in their education. Even at the preschool level. Even if your child doesn't have a disability. Because if we don't fight for them who will? So bring it on lady. I have my boxing gloves on... and a lovely pair of stilettos with your name on em!
We have been dealing with some inclusion issues at school. And by inclusion what I really mean is EXclusion. Since language issues in kids often manifest themselves as behavior problems in the classroom, Mini Boots has been acting out. I have been told he is very "disobedient" because he "refuses" to stay still at circle time, and shovels too much food into his mouth at lunch, and touches other kids in line up. I know he's going to struggle to follow the rules, but sitting still, keeping hands to ourselves... well... these are problems all three year olds (and some adults I know) have trouble with. So when she tells me that because he has been not sitting still during circle time he is preemptively being placed in the back of the room I want to dig out my one (and only) pair of stilletos and stab her in the eye.... maybe then she would understand how hard it is to live with a disability.
My heat aches thinking about him sitting him in the back of the room, by himself, not knowing what he did wrong but understanding he must have done something because he is not allowed to sit with the rest of the group. And if he is not given the chance to succeed I fear he will dislike school and not learn to engage in the expected behavior. And guess what? His behavior problems will only increase. Because he doesn't understand why he is being singled out. Isolation is NOT acceptable in classrooms. And my sweet son deserves to be there getting the opportunity to learn as much as any other child.
I am reminded yet again how important it is for parents to advocate for their children, and to be involved in their education. Even at the preschool level. Even if your child doesn't have a disability. Because if we don't fight for them who will? So bring it on lady. I have my boxing gloves on... and a lovely pair of stilettos with your name on em!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Bug Bites and Back Sweat
School is back in session. There are a number of reasons why I love this. Number one, kids are busy doing educational activities that require no effort from me. Number two, I have a three hours, twice a week with just one child to clean, exercise and grocery shop.... none of which actually happens (put down the remote and step away from the DVR) ... but it could! And the third reason why I love school is that I don't have to take my kids to the park 3-4 times a week. What? I don't LOVE the park? No I don't. In fact I kinda hate it. It's free fun, so why do I hate it so much? Well I'll tell you....
For one thing because it's free fun, everyone goes. And it's always busy. And there is always one Mom who doesn't believe this type of activity should be supervised. So their kid is throwing mulch (which is exactly the type of behavior I want my impressionable munchkins to learn). Or the kid is sword fighting with sticks while Mom is cracking out on her crack-berry. I TRY to wait for the other Mom to intervene but that just makes my retina's burn thinking about the permanent damage possible. So I have to step in... and then get dirty looks while she furiously texts away.
Another reason I hate it is because it's a death trap. I mean monkey bars 6 feet up? And a spiral slide two stories high? Who designed this place? Ok, so I may be slightly over protective, but I also have one child (Mini Boots) who believes deep in his soul that he is a trapeze artist. And can totally do a triple axel off the monkey bars. So while he is attempting the worlds first double salchow swing dismount, I am having a heart attack. It takes at least three years off my life every time we go.
And the final reason why I kinda hate the park is that it's so close. What's that you say? TOO close? Yes, I said too close. You see, I can't justify driving to it. When we bought this house I was so excited to be 4 blocks from the neighborhood play ground. But when you are making kids walk/bike/scooter over there it might as well be a trip to China. It takes us twenty minutes to get there and at least 45 to get home. Because they have to stop every three steps to tell me how tired they are. And they just can't dooooo it.
I know they love going, and over the summer I take them all the time. Despite the bug bites and back sweat, I go. I let them play and just be kids. But now that school is back in session I don't have to endure that particular brand of torture more than once a week! Until next year anyway.
For one thing because it's free fun, everyone goes. And it's always busy. And there is always one Mom who doesn't believe this type of activity should be supervised. So their kid is throwing mulch (which is exactly the type of behavior I want my impressionable munchkins to learn). Or the kid is sword fighting with sticks while Mom is cracking out on her crack-berry. I TRY to wait for the other Mom to intervene but that just makes my retina's burn thinking about the permanent damage possible. So I have to step in... and then get dirty looks while she furiously texts away.
Another reason I hate it is because it's a death trap. I mean monkey bars 6 feet up? And a spiral slide two stories high? Who designed this place? Ok, so I may be slightly over protective, but I also have one child (Mini Boots) who believes deep in his soul that he is a trapeze artist. And can totally do a triple axel off the monkey bars. So while he is attempting the worlds first double salchow swing dismount, I am having a heart attack. It takes at least three years off my life every time we go.
And the final reason why I kinda hate the park is that it's so close. What's that you say? TOO close? Yes, I said too close. You see, I can't justify driving to it. When we bought this house I was so excited to be 4 blocks from the neighborhood play ground. But when you are making kids walk/bike/scooter over there it might as well be a trip to China. It takes us twenty minutes to get there and at least 45 to get home. Because they have to stop every three steps to tell me how tired they are. And they just can't dooooo it.
I know they love going, and over the summer I take them all the time. Despite the bug bites and back sweat, I go. I let them play and just be kids. But now that school is back in session I don't have to endure that particular brand of torture more than once a week! Until next year anyway.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Sleep Boot Camp
It's finally happened. And I am so relieved. I am happier, have enough energy to get throug the day, and have a small reserve of patience again. That's righ folks, Mighty Mouse is finally sleeping through the night. But it wasn't an easy road and we worked HARD to train his sleeping patterns. There are some people who assume babies one night just decide to sleep all night long. But none of mine have ever done that without major effort from me. You have to teach them. Your baby will get the sleep they need no matter what. The goal is to give them that sleep when YOU are sleeping. And the key is baby steps. After six months kids totally GET the night time routine, so if you can work steadily to get it done before six months you'll have a great sleeper on your hands. I have three. So here's how I did it....
Even as a newborn, when it's night time, the baby is in his cradle. If he woke up, we fed him and put him right back to bed. No talking, or playing. Cold hearted? Maybe. But this is boot camp people! Of course there were nights where he fought sleep and eventually we gave in and let him slept in the swing, but we did not wake up just because he decided to wake up. Even if we had to put the damn nuk in tweleve times. Which totally happened... every night.
Once he realized night time is for sleeping, we let him fuss for a few minutes beofore giving him the nuk. While hard on us, it gave Mighty Mouse a chance to self sooth. If you do not offer this opportunity, your baby will ALWAYS need help falling asleep. That's cool for some Mom's but not for me. Because I have three kids and need a friggen break. And wine.
We moved him out of our room. Obvious? Not for everyone. And yes he does sleep better when he isn't woken up by my pea sized bladder, snoring, our other kids stealthily army crawling into our bed, and early alarm clocks. Weird huh?
Finally we decided it was time to give up the nuk at sleepy time. We did this when we knew he could fall asleep without it, and wouldn't you know it, he did. And now when it's time for bed, we feed him, change him, kiss him, zip up the sleep sack and if he cries he cries... but he falls asleep in under ten minutes. And I don't have to rock him for an hour, nurse him to sleep or walk in twelve times to replace the nuk. So if your goal is to have a good sleeper, take a tip from me and work on it every night. Because in a few months you will have a well trained sleeper and some time to relax. Now where is my wine?
Even as a newborn, when it's night time, the baby is in his cradle. If he woke up, we fed him and put him right back to bed. No talking, or playing. Cold hearted? Maybe. But this is boot camp people! Of course there were nights where he fought sleep and eventually we gave in and let him slept in the swing, but we did not wake up just because he decided to wake up. Even if we had to put the damn nuk in tweleve times. Which totally happened... every night.
Once he realized night time is for sleeping, we let him fuss for a few minutes beofore giving him the nuk. While hard on us, it gave Mighty Mouse a chance to self sooth. If you do not offer this opportunity, your baby will ALWAYS need help falling asleep. That's cool for some Mom's but not for me. Because I have three kids and need a friggen break. And wine.
We moved him out of our room. Obvious? Not for everyone. And yes he does sleep better when he isn't woken up by my pea sized bladder, snoring, our other kids stealthily army crawling into our bed, and early alarm clocks. Weird huh?
Finally we decided it was time to give up the nuk at sleepy time. We did this when we knew he could fall asleep without it, and wouldn't you know it, he did. And now when it's time for bed, we feed him, change him, kiss him, zip up the sleep sack and if he cries he cries... but he falls asleep in under ten minutes. And I don't have to rock him for an hour, nurse him to sleep or walk in twelve times to replace the nuk. So if your goal is to have a good sleeper, take a tip from me and work on it every night. Because in a few months you will have a well trained sleeper and some time to relax. Now where is my wine?
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