Deployment-Itis

Here's the deal. My husband and I almost never fight. I mean, it's pretty rare for us to get fuming mad at each other (excluding pregnancy induced hormonal moments of nuttiness). Super Boots is the most laid back guy you could meet and while I am definitely more high strung, he has a way of talking me off the ledge. He is my balance, my own personal zen. But right before a deployment, well... things get tense. When things get tense we bicker. And inevitably there is one big blow up before he leaves.

We kind of have a system, a pre-deployment check list that involves preparing the house for no man help and squeezing in fun filled seasonal activities. There are things I need him to do before he leaves like mow the lawn one last time, touch up the paint on the swing set, clean the carpets and get down Halloween decorations from the attic. Because I KNOW I won't have time and will be too busy keeping three children, two dogs and a few fish ALIVE. So I write it down and give him the "List" .... but all he wants to do is play with the kids, and snuggle the baby, take long hot showers and cook elaborate meals. Because he will MISS all of those things. And it makes me totally insane that he can't just help me out. So I get pissed. And then he gets pissed because I am not UNDERSTANDING that all of those things are more important than clean carpets. Even though I know this (Duh!), all I can think about is how the hell am I going to find time to clean the carpets? Those moments of irrational frustrations, usually based on the fear I won't be able to accomplish all that is asked of a single Mom, creates a big case of Deployment-Itis.

You can diagnose your own case of Deployment-Itis, here are a few signs to look for:

*You loose sleep over the unfinished chair rail you had hoped to install.
*The thought of attending parties alone, or worse with you and the kids, makes your eye all twitchy.
*You know finding time to pluck your eyebrows will feel like an overwhelming task, and decide to bring back the Brook Sheilds caterpillar look.
*You have nightmares about the kids asking for sleepovers.
*It's 2am, your husband is sleeping... and you are watching him... wishing he would wake up... to clean the carpets.
*You begin over-scheduling the weeks after he leaves. Because busy is way better than bored when you're missing him.
*You buy a six-pack. Of vodka.
*You're pissed. Because this sucks.

Sometimes I cry before he leaves, but usually I don't. I pour my energy into getting ready for him to be gone. I know I would feel better if I cried and let it out, but it's just not real until I drop him off. So we plan for all the things that will happen when he is gone and get into a fight about finishing the "list." Because the reality is just too much to bear sometimes. And after a couple of days of deep Deployment-Itis it hits me how much I am going to miss him. And I can back off a bit, letting him snuggle and shower without resentment, all the while taking mental snapshots of these everyday moments that define our life together. No matter how much we prepare, things will go wrong, I will feel overwhelmed and we will all miss him like crazy. So when it's time, we pack him up, drop him off and I finally surrender to the grief and cry on the way home.