Competitive Mommy

There is a Mom lurking in our midsts, and her Motherhood Mafia card has been revoked. You may not recognize her for what she truly is initially, but take heed, you do not want her around. She's is a sneaky little Mommy. At first you love her. She'll listen to you vent about how hard potty training can be, she'll give you gourmet vegan recipes, but just as you're revealing your dark Mommy secrets, she say's something that leaves you speechless. I ran into one just last week. I was shopping for the usual stock ups on diapers, wipes and pull ups when outta no where I heard "Liz! How are you? Oh by the way, the dollar store has great deals on brand-X pull ups. But we can't use them, she (points to daughter) hasn't needed them for over a year. How old is your little guy? I'm surprised he still needs them." KA-POW! Sucker punch right were it counts, in the Mommyhood! You see how this type of Mom operates? She appers nice and even helpful from time to time, but right when you think she'll be the newest member of your MOM-tourage she reveals she is indeed.... Competitive Mommy.

There are a few dead giveaways you'll need to be on the look out for.

*Owns a BOB Jogger, but never walks anything but the mall. Only uses it to discredit your well loved instep.
*Says things like, "My little Suzy was potty trained at 18 months and started reading Mandarin the next year. We think she's gifted. But your three year old will poop in the potty soon enough."
*Comes over and suggests the name of a good housekeeper after she uses your bathroom.
*Tells you she never had to childproof because her kids never touched anything they weren't supposed to... but they listen really well.
*Buys organic but doesn't recycle.
*As your two meltdown over popsicle color exclaims "I don't know how you do it, I'd loose my mind if my kids were fighting so much. My two just seem to adore each other!"
*Will Most likely be a Hot Mom.
*"Oh My! He's not sitting up on his own? Well I guess if the Doctor says it's normal, I'm just used to my kids who sat up at 3 months."
*Her child is enrolled in at least five activities.

No, you may not be able to spot her right away, she wears cool Mom camouflage like no other... but cool Mom she is not. She will cut you with a smile and act like she has no idea she's doing it. It's hard enough being a Mom, there are always going to be things we could to better, and a lot of parenthood is learned through trial and error. The last thing you want is someone reminding you that despite thoughtful parenting and best laid plans, you sometimes fall short. While you're trying to to do your best for your kids, she's trying to do better than you. You need that like you need a leaky pull up at your next play-date together. Which wouldn't have happened if you'd have just listened to her potty training advise... or bought her dollar store pull ups. Bitch.