Don't Cry Over Spilled.... Cheesecake

This last Christmas Dan was gone. My kids were sick and one had puked all over my bed the night before. My Mom was having some health issues. It was the forth year in a row he was gone over the holidays. To top it off it was our first in our new house and I was about 5 months pregnant. I was so depressed! I tried to remind my self I was fortunate to have family coming in for the holidays, but I just couldn't shake the sadness. I wanted him home, I was sick and tired of making the best of it for my kids. I wanted my whole family together, and I was only hanging on by a very frayed thread.

Because I couldn't have what I really wanted (wine) I spent a lot of the time baking... and eating. I had been perfecting my mother in law's famous cheese cake recipe, and was planning on serving it Christmas Eve. I spent about an hour prepping and mixing, and as I was bringing it to the oven the bottom on my spring form pan gave out. I had cheesecake on the floor, all over the oven, and I just stood over it crying. It was such a metaphor for the deployment, no matter how hard I tried to make it ok, it wasn't. After a minute, I wiped my nose and stood up to grab some paper towels when I noticed a delivery van in the driveway. A split second later there was a man with a huge bouquet of flowers standing at my door.

"Just Keep Going" the card read. I was sobbing and my hands were shaking, it was like a message from God right to my heart. (A Christmas Miracle perhaps?) They weren't from any of the usual suspects: my sweet Man, or my best friend. The flowers were from a few of my high school friends with whom I had recently reconnected. These girls, who had almost no connection to the military, and who a year earlier had no idea what happened to me, sent me a lifeline. It came at just the last moment, right as I was breaking down. I was reminded that someone's gotta clean up the cheesecake, and for now that person is me. I might not have my partner to lean on but I would get up everyday and continue to move forward. That glimmer of love kept me going until he got home. I still keep the card on my fridge not just as a reminder of how much a small gesture can keep someones spirits alive, but also so I never forget to "Just Keep Going." No matter how many cheesecakes I drop.