The Mafia

If you see two Mom's pass each other in an aisle at the grocery store, you may notice a shared look. A nod, perhaps even a quick hello, but almost always a point of acknowledgement. It's sorta like a secret handshake, except without the germs. What's that about you may wonder? Some sort of secret club? Well you'd be right, it's the Motherhood Mafia. You know the mom's who may or may not have a minivan, say things like "because I said so" and "well, life isn't fair" without batting an eye? In the mafia. The one's who make compassionate eye contact when your kid is throwing a fit in Target as if to say "Don't worry. We've all been there." Totally in.

Recognized only by other Mom's, the Motherhood Mafia is not for the faint of heart. Once you're in, you're in for life. Iniation is not pretty. So to make it easy for you to decide if you belong to this not so exclusive group of goldfish-cracker-slinging, wipe-carring, frazzled bad-asses, I made a check list. If you can answer yes to two or more, you're in.

*You have been pooped on. Counts as two if it was a neck up situation.
*You can isolate your child's cries in a room full of screamers.
*You have been barfed on. And no spit up doesn't count.
*You consider going that third day without a shower in exchange for 10 extra minutes of sleep. Seriously.
*Purse? Uh no... diaper bag.
*You consider ponytail and tinted moisturizer "hair and makeup ready."
*You have fed your child mac-n-cheese/dinosaur chicken nuggets/PB&J for more than a week straight. For. Every. Meal.
*Public temper tantrum. Nuff said.
*You don't own bandaids that are character free, and have sent your hubby to work with my little pony on his neck.
*You have cleaned poo off a wall.
*You have peed while holding a child.
*You know the perfect mom, and kinda hate her. (It's ok, the mafia does too.)
*You can not function without coffee/diet coke/caffeine IV.

If you can't answer yes to two of these yet, you are either still pregnant or have the perfect child. In which case... give it a couple of weeks. Otherwise welcome to the Motherhood Mafia. Slogan: the hours are long, and the pay sucks, but the benefits rock. Lifetime membership guaranteed.