I may or may not have mentioned (totally have) that I take issue with people talking about the budda. I get it. It's big. I also may or may not have mentioned if you try to touch it I will deck you. Seriously. Why do people think it's ok to rub my belly? Not my family, but total and complete strangers. One in particular who first insulted me by asking if I am expecting twins. Really? Is that really necessary?
*** What I Said ****
No, just 9 months pregnant.
*** What I WISH I Said ***
When are you due? Oh... you're not pregnant...my bad.
So if that wasn't bad enough she then attempted to put her grubby little hands on my belly. Inside my bubble! On my person!
*** What I Said***
Hehe... (awkward ducking of belly behind grocery cart).... hehe...(even more awkward scurrying of pregnant woman pushing grocery cart quickly away from Walmart pariah lady)
***What I WISH I Said***
Dude you were just in the meat aisle, do you have salmalilla? Well I don't know either but you sure as hell didn't have time to wash so BACK OFF.
All I am saying is this. Be nice to pregnant women, LIE to them about how cute they look. Tell them they glow, tell them they are adorable. Tell them their hair has never looked better, it really doesnt matter what you say. Being nice is enough.
Just don't mistake me for Jabba the Hut because I will cut a bitch.
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