Just Dont.

The Mania has just increased ten fold because we had our baby! Of course we are overjoyed and completely in love with our new little man. As I heard it said once, I'm obsessed! He is wonderful and perfect in every way. In fact everything is perfect... except... well... except when I leave the house. Blame it on the lack of sleep, or nine months of hormones leaving my system, but the ridiculous things people say to me are getting old. Already. So here it is... Things to NEVER Say to a New Mom.

*Are you getting any rest?
It's clear you are not a Mom because a Mom would know the answer to that is DUH. Have you ever met a newborn?

*When are you due?
Do you see my stroller? How about the spit up on my shoulder? Diaper Bag? No? Well then all I have to say to you is do they fix stupid?

*Baby weight is so stubborn...
Just Don't. My uterus is still the size of Texas, I am making enough milk to hydrate a small army, and I am seriously considering getting depends with the amount of fluid exiting my vag. So DO. NOT. GO. THERE.

*Whats the baby's name? Oh, well that's different/interesting.
Yes it is. That's the point! To express the unique beauty that is OUR child. And when you name YOUR baby something off the top ten baby names of all time list I'll be sure to say "What a common name!" Until then, zip your conforming lips.

*Do you need anything?
Um well since you asked.... I could use a meal, someone to watch my kids while I nap, my floors need mopping and my lawn could use a good mow. But you're just being polite and don't really intend to do anything for me right? So we're fine, and no you can't "stop by" to hold the baby.

I know the 4th trimester can be tough. It's exhaustion like you've never known, it's lumps and bumps and fluids leaking out of every cavity. But here's the thing, you have a beautiful baby. The newborn days disappear before you know it, don't let the stupidity of others ruin what will become blissful memories. Oh and just one little tip to get you through until you can fit into anything without elastic and are awake enough to care... Pajama Jean. Try it.