The Floater

Let me set the scene for you, it's a beautiful sunny day. My kids are in the pool splashing and jumping, my amazing husband is nursing a beer and tending to our garden. I am sitting on the edge, dangling my feet in the cool water and enjoying my own adult beverage and smiling to myself. "What a perfect family I have! I am so lucky!" And then it happens. I notice a small dark shadow near the surface and as I shade my eyes to get a better look I hear "A poop! A poop! MOM. Harrison just pooped in the pool!" Sure enough that dark shadow is indeed... a floater. Damn It!

Yup, it's potty training time around here, and just when we think we have it down something like this happens. As I am scooping poop I think how fortunate I am it happened where it did, because trust me it could have been, much much worse. I have cleaned diarrhea off my comforter, picked up pellet poops out of the closet, and of course, caught the-running-to-the-bathroom-trail down the leg. Potty training sucks. It takes a long time and the day you feel confident enough to leave the change of clothes behind is the day you see a saggy bottom at the grocery store.

With both of my "big kids" I spent weeks obsessing over it, developing a plan, acquiring training essentials. I tried to decide what I really wanted to accomplish. Did I want to be totally diaper free? Was I willing to let them sleep at night with a pull up? I focused on days, mostly because I am fortunate enough to have kids that sleep twelve hours at night, and even I can't hold it that long. And believe me when I tell you I tried it all. Potty parties with Betsy Wetsy and Everybody Poops. Shopping trips for big kid underoos and reward toys. I have let them run necked for DAYS, until I realized its way more fun to pee in the kitchen then on the potty. Duh Mom. I have given candy for every pee (two for every poop) that made it in the bathroom. I have dinged egg timers every five minutes in a pavlovian attempt to brainwash the little monsters. But there really was no magic formula.

Even with all these grand efforts there was only one person trained. And it was me. What I learned was that they decide when it's time, and it's never on my agenda. Almost no matter what you do, if they're not ready it aint gonna happen! But have faith, and be consistent because just when you think the poor child will be in old pappy pampers before they get it, they do just that. It clicks. They get it. Until that happens my only helpful advise is this, keep a change of clothes in your car and do not invest in new carpets until they're twelve.