One way or another... It's Coming Out!

As you near your due date you may begin to realize that this baby is going to have to exit your body, and there really is no easy way to do this. Your choices are either to blow out your vag after it's stretched just big enough that you fear you'll never recover, or to have the child ripped out of your uterus through a gapping hole in your belly. Now neither sound like great options to me, but most people hope for a natural course of delivery. And rightly so, the vaginal delivery is quicker to recover from as well as being better for your baby. So while not many people plan on going under the knife on the same day they have a baby, the reality is that C- sections are on the rise. There are many reasons for this, none of which we'll be getting into here, and I am of the notion that it's best to be prepared. Since I am having a scheduled Cesarean Section with my third child after two unsuccessful attempts at a vaginal delivery, I thought I'd give my list of what to expect, and a few things I can't live without post-op.

When you are packing your bag, you'll need to include a few things for you. Basic toiletries, nursing bra, comfy PJ's and a robe, as well as something to go home in... preferably that resembles PJ's or is otherwise loosey goosey and fit while you were still pregnant. If you know you are having a C-section, bring the biggest underpants you can find, and I mean the granny's that look like they could keep a small child warm. Trust me, the thought of something coming anywhere near your unhealed C-section incision is unbearable. This goes for pants as well, if you can't fit them up under your armpits just leave em at home, or pack a mumu. If you are going to nurse, be prepared for some tenderness, I brought my boppy and paced baby on that instead of on my sore belly.

After the C-section, you may shake from all the anesthesia. You may be pretty loopy from the drugs. I was always really thirsty and they never gave me enough water. I got a little swollen. The Dr's might give you pitocin to contract your uterus. Your belly will be tender, but shouldn't really hurt at first and you'll have a catheter. Once you are moved from recovery to a post-partum room, the nurses will be in and out as they check on you and your newborn. As painful as it sounds, it is a good idea to think about getting up for a walk (like to the toilet, not far) within 12-24 hours. It will hurt, but speeds recovery. This is eased by placing a pillow up against the incision, and having a strong arm to balance you. Trust me the longer you put it off the worse it is. I recommend timing it for about 20 minutes after taking meds, this gives them a chance to kick in and they'll be in full effect once you are back comfortable in bed. You may be asked to poop before you are released, and it's not as bad as it sounds, but it's not fun. I handled it better knowing it was my ticket home. Finally keep in mind that your recovery will take longer than with a vaginal delivery. You'll stay in the hospital longer and be able to accomplish less at home. But remember you just had a baby! And major surgery! For me it took about two weeks before I could be counted on to do much of anything. Do NOT push it. (I always do, but it slows recovery, and I regret it each time.) You can usually resume normal activities after about six weeks.

I had some emotional difficulties following my first two deliveries. I felt like my body let me down when it didn't progress through dilation. I felt like I should have stuck it out a bit longer when a C-section was recommended. And finally I felt like less of a woman because I did not accomplish the one thing my body was designed for. But the reality is, without C-sections my daughter or I might not have made it. Regardless of how I delivered, I did my job as a Mom and got them here safe and sound without putting myself in unnecessary jeopardy. Be sure to discuss any emotional difficulties with your Doctor as they can lead to postpartum depression. C-sections are hard, but having a baby makes it all worth it. So if you end up having one, bust out the grannies and try to stay positive because on the up side, you won't have to blow out your vag!

Big Belly Bothers

I do not have a baby bump, I have a Budda belly. I do not look like I simply shoved a basket ball under my shirt. I show about five minutes after I test positive and by eight months people assume I'm due "any day now" or expecting "double the fun." I do not gain all of my weight in my boobs, instead I seem to carry it in my upper arms, my thighs and of course my cheeks (both sets). I am just a big pregnant person, not one of those itty bitty preggo ladies everyone seems to think I should be (thanks In Touch Weekly).

I am almost term with my third baby, and I seem to be just about the same size as I was with the older two. With my first, I was pretty sick, and gained a lot of weight. With my second we were happily settled in Hawaii and my good friend would walk the hill overlooking the beach with me 5 days a week. I was in great shape, but still ended up at almost the same weight. This time, I try to get exercise, but with my first winter in 4 years it was too cold to walk regularly so I am not really a fit pregnant lady this time. And yet again, I am on course to deliver within my 5 lb range. For some reason this is exactly where my body wants to be. I know being pregnant is NOT being fat, but after I have this baby it's going to take a lot of work to loose the weight and that is totally depressing!

I did the math and between pregnancy and breastfeeding, my body has been sustaining another's life for 43 months out of the last 5 years.... no wonder I don't look like I did before kids! So this time I am gonna try to let myself off the hook for a while. I am going to love what my body has done and not hate the way it looks. I will treat the stretch marks like battle scars. I will embrace the pudgy belly and the wavy hair as physical markings of my three greatest accomplishments. Besides, someday when my kids are older they'll stumble across old pictures of me and say "Holy Crap Mom, you were hot! What happened?" I'll look em dead in the eye and say "You did." Totally worth the trade.

A Rose by Any Other Name... is Still CRAZY

Nesting is like preparation on crack. I am nesting. It's biological for women to create and cozy environment to bring their newborn baby home to. It happens throughout the pregnancy, and always seems to peak for me about a month before I'm due. However, I am not just setting up a crib and picking up diapers when I am out. Oh no, my nesting extends to every corner of the house! I am talking about dusting on top of doorways, organizing linen closets, and painting any untouched surface in this house, CRAZY!

You can imagine the level of nuttiness that ensued when my Dr realized the Braxton hicks I thought I was feeling were actually contractions! Words like "pre term" and "labor" will send any women into a tailspin. Not only are you worried about your baby, but OMG how will I ever be ready???? There is no way this house can EVER be clean enough! Why did I procrastinate on sorting through my medicine cabinet/junk drawers/garage?

My husband tells me I can be anal, I prefer organized and precise and prepared... nesting just kicks it into overdrive. So I have decided to use my pregnancy induced OCD for good instead of evil and come up with a list. For all you Mom's who don't know where to begin, here is my third-time-around list of essential items to have, and things to get done.

Must Have:

1. Boobs (or bottles, formula and nipples).
2. Diapers (2 packages newborn size).
3. Wipes (unscented).
4. Kimono style tee shirts (NOT ONSIES. The onsies can pull on their umbilical cord and cause irritation. After the cord falls off up to two weeks later, onsies are essential).
5. Preemie size pants (trust me 0-3 will be too big for at least a couple of weeks).
6. Soft cotton blankets for swaddling.
7. A place for baby to sleep, with SID's pillows (bassinet, cradle, crib, co-sleeper.... any will do for a while).
8. Swing (some will tell you this is not essential, I have not been able to survive a newborn without one. Babies are comforted by motion, the swing provides a break for your arms. You may not want to put baby down but you will need to pee, and maybe shower).
9. Pacifier (baby's need to suck. It is instinctual and eventually your finger will need to come out of their mouth... when you need to pee and maybe shower).
10. Infant, rear-facing, five-point-harness car seat. You will not be allowed to take the baby home without one.


To Do:

1. Shop for/borrow a few essentials, see list above.
2. Assemble sleeping area, and swing.
3. Find a place to hold diapering essentials (I usually have two stations, one in the living room where we spend our time, and one near sleeping area for the night-time changes).
4. Install car seat base (if you are unsure of correct procedure, any fire station will inspect your handi-work).
5. Call a friend to watch your pets, water your plants, collect your mail etc. (Call another friend in case said first friend brakes a leg or has some other lame excuse sure to send you into a panic right when your water breaks).
6. Clean your house, or at least the bathroom and kitchen. (Try to keep it clean so you dont have to yell at your husband to do it while you are timing contractions. You will be glad you did when you arrive home from the hospital).
7. Pack a bag. Include baby's take home outfit and a blanket. (The hospital will provide tee's, hats and blankets for you to use while you're there).
8. Get batteries for your camera, and/or camcorder... and place in said bag.
9. Keep at least a quarter tank of gas in your car.
10. Sleep as much as you can. Your body is going to experience an incredible physical exertion, trust me, you need your rest.

I am sure you will all have you're own bit of CRAZY to work through, remember you are not alone. Crazy pregnant ladies make prepared Mothers! So if you'll excuse me I have some more.... PREPARING to do!

***Just to be clear, I am not IN labor, nor do I expect to be anytime soon. However we are meeting with the Dr regularly to ensure these contractions don't start working this baby out before it's ready.***

My Military Man

I haven't mentioned this often in this blog, but I am married to a military man. Yup. I am an always moving, deployment surviving, mow-the-grass-even-though-it's-not-my-"job" Navy Wife. We have to be pretty strong to handle deployments. But here's the deal, none of us really like that we have to feel that way. Many of us wish we married an accountant, or an insurance salesman... a man whose passions kept them close to home, and more importantly out of harms way. Now don't get me wrong I am PROUD of his service. So proud that I am willing to sacrifice for him and to do what he does. And when I say sacrifice I do mean sacrifice.... things like 3 out of the last 4 Christmas's, and countless birthdays. Sacrifices like only spending one anniversary with him, ever.

It infuriates me when people say "I just can't imagine what I would do without MY man. I just can't even think about something happening to him." I realize they are tring to be supportive, but it sounds like they think we are less close because we have to spend time apart. That is clearly not the case. To be honest I was also unsure that I could live without him right until he left on his first (and by first I mean MY first, he'd had a few under his belt) deployment when my daughter was 9 weeks old and not sleeping through the night. But I learned how to handle an infant 24-7 on my own. I learned how to manage my normal work load and his "man chores." It was a good thing too because he left when my son was only 5 weeks old. That time I learned how to mange two kids under two in the ER at three am, and how to cope with unimaginable loss when my beloved shepherd mix Lola died. Each deployment provides me with the building blocks for the next.

When he leaves, my kids feel lost and confused so they act out. I have to be the nurturing parent who understands how sad they feel as well as the regulator who enforces rules. All the sudden i have to take out the garbage, get the oil changed, and mow the grass (although I am notorious for letting this one go). Inevitably something breaks, leaks or needs immediate attention despite your lack of knowledge. One time my car broke down, another time I found water in the basement/garage. I closed on our house with a power of attorney and an antsy two year old in a stroller. I have had to call exterminators, plumbers, home appraisers and beg for their speedy assistance and hope they don't overcharge me because they know Hubby isn't around to know better. With every deployment I learn that can handle more, survive better.

But just to be clear, I don't WANT to! I really do not want to do it without him. Each time I somehow manage to juggle it all, and we all get through it. When he comes home, I sometimes crumble and cry. I always hug and kiss him, and then I sleep. I recharge my batteries by shopping with girlfriends and long afternoons at the hair salon. I get sitters when I can, and try to soak the family time up. Because sooner or later he'll have to leave again. I will sacrifice that time because I love him and I am so very proud of my military man.

Mommy Brain

I have Mommy Brain. Bad. What is this Mommy brain I speak of? Well for those of you who have not yet enjoyed the frantic last few months of pregnancy, followed by the chaotic first few months of child rearing, I'll enlighten you. You know that feeling where you walk into a room and you can't remember why you went in to the room in the first place? And instead of turning around and laughing at your self you continue to stand there, staring at the items in the room, slowly taking them in, hoping the sight of something, ANYthing will jog your memory? Well it's sort of like that, except constant. I never goes away.

I have tried everything Ladies, to rid myself of this torturous state of debilitating idiocy. More sleep...I know right? But I did TRY! Increased caffeine consumption. Regular exercise, and healthy eating. Aromatherapy. Eventually I forgot what I was trying to do, or gave up depending on how you look at it. Despite my best efforts, for about 6 mos surrounding the birth of any child I become an inefficient, babbling, forgetful, and unreliable Mom.

Instead of bashing my head into a wall I try to remember that it IS temporary. At some point, I do get back on track. Until then , I just need to lighten my load, let my husband juggle the calendar, and accept the scatterbrain as humorous. I write everything down, from grocery lists to Drs. appointments and play dates. I always accept the understanding from others (especially those at schools, Dr's offices and other helpful service people) with grace and gratitude. Never underestimate the power of a sincere apology when Mommy Brian affects something serious like a late bill! After a few months I won't forget tuition payments, and the one thing I went to the grocery store to buy. I will once again become the Mom who remembers to wash the Karate uniform and pack extra juice boxes on Tuesdays. Until then.... wait.... what was I talking about again?

Don't Marry your Brother

We have been lots of conversations at my house about having babies. Who can have them? Mommy's. Where do you have them? Most often at the hospital. And of course how do you get them in your belly? Yikes! This is an expected topic, after all I am 7 months pregnant, but talk about uncomfortable! I do not want to have this talk with my daughter, but it has to be done.

I subscribe to the philosophy that as a parent you have an obligation to be truthful with your children, excluding childhood friendly ideals that are widely encouraged like the big jolly man in red. However, those truths have to be age appropriate. I am not going to have the "birds and the bees" conversation with my four year old, but I will tell my daughter that children grow from love. I told her that Mommy and Daddy love each other very much, that we are best friends, and from that love grew another brother or sister for her. That seemed to appease her curious mind and I felt great for concurring such a difficult topic.

Until this morning.

Little Britches "Mom when I grow up I want to get marry and have three babies."

Me "Sounds nice hun, who are you going to marry?"

Little Britches "My baby Ruby cousin because she's my best friend like Daddy is your best friend right Mamma? But not Mini Boots. He's not a best friend."

I almost pee'd my pants laughing so hard! So innocent and sweet. I adore that she thinks marriage is for best friends. Truthfully the strongest relationships are those with close friendships. Alright, I don't want her to marry her cousin, but even at four she's got something big figured out. Marry your most favorite person, and THEN have babies. And defiantly do not marry your brother. Ever.

Love is a Battlefield

A friend of mine has said, "Four going on fourteen." I can not deny the truth to that claim... and I wish she wasn't so accurate in describing the attitude. I am blown over by the sheer stamina of my daughter's sourpuss face and sassy remarks. I look into her stubborn eyes, watch her pop her hip and cross her arms over her chest as I ask her to pick up her blocks. To which she replies simply, "No." I then repeat (for the 10th time) the consequences of disobeying (time out, then time out in her room), remind her that her job is to follow the rules, and ask her to make a good decision. I don't get emotional, I just militarily recount the rules and enforce if necessary.

This has been repeated countless times everyday for nearly a week. I know that her Dad is gone and I am sympathetic, to a point. However deep her feelings of loss, she needs to respect the rules of the house. This Mama is still in charge and I will win every battle of wills... but I am exhausted! I do not want to argue about every little comment, what's for breakfast, what time is bedtime, what color the grass is! My sister reminded me I'm doing all I can but I just feel so depleted. I want to enjoy my daughter and right now I do not. I hear that this is the same story for teenagers, the never ending attitude, the battle field that stretches as far as the eye can see, and the feelings of despair. I am loosing my baby to her own independent self!

This is probably not going to change anytime soon. And she will wear me out. But I love her madly, and I owe it to her to enforce stability and regulations. As she gets older these clashes of will are sure to become more intense, but if I preserver she'll fall back into step... eventually. Until then I will provide structure, be consistent and stay strong. I feel better armed when I know the lessons she is learning now will serve her well in life. So Mom's remember... love... is a battlefield. Bring your ammo.

Major Mania

I haven't blogged in a while. I've had some life changing experiences in the last several months and have needed time to process and digest the new directions.

I am expecting my third child! We have decided to wait to find out the sex, and I am really looking forward to the Dr announcing "It's a ........!" I am so thrilled, and also incredibly wary of what that will mean for my sanity! Experience has taught me that while I will rise to the occasion, the struggles of raising children increase with each new bundle of responsibiltiy... I mean joy! This may be our last, so I am savoring every moment.

More immediatly, my son Harrison was diagnosed with a language disorder. He has Expressive/Receptive Language Disorder, as well as Speech Articulation disorder. I was quite sad about this at first, and I allowed myself a weekend to cry and morn the notion of a perfect and easy childhood for him. But I know if I am ok with it, he will be too. Life isn't ever perfect, even in childhood. I just had put on my mom jeans and just deal with it. It was time for action.

So I am back in the saddle, preggo and kickin ass for my little man! Let the MANIA continue!

Trying to Rebound

I have felt a little off my game for the last few days. You might say I should be riding the bench. I am trying to support the team but not performing, not going at my usual pace. It's not as if something bad happened, in fact that's the problem, nothing has happened for days. Each day is another version of the same: wake up, make beds, change diapers, feed kids, do dishes, referee children's issues... and repeat... over and over... until it's finally time for bed.

Staying at home can be quite monotonous, and sometimes I feel like I just play defence. There are days when I am pretty sure if I have to do one more jigsaw puzzle I'll scream! It's those days that I miss my childless life. Waking up and thinking "what do I feel like doing today?" and not mentally running through the list of chores awaiting the arrival of my lost motivation.

Like a lot of Mom's I live and die by my schedule. In my house we are not regimented down to the minute, but our life is very consistent from day to day. Life is pretty steady, and the fact that all my plays come out of the same book allows my kids a sense of security, however it can drive me bonkers. The level of stimulation required for my two and three and a half year old, somehow leaves me wanting more....

People like to say that there is nothing more rewarding that being a Mom, and while I agree I have been doing this long enough to know that those rewards are sometimes few and far between. When I can't seem to rebound from a rut, it's usually the universe telling me to get away. Now I am not saying I need a four day vacay to tropical paradise, (although that would be awesome) I can usually bounce back with a couple of hours away. I need a trip to Target with no kids, or coffee with a girlfriend. I need to feel like a person, not just a MOM.

I think staying at home makes it tough to build in times for us to just BE. We can always find a reason not to take time for ourselves, tight budget, messy house, and all the other obligations motherhood brings. I'm just suggesting we add a little breathing room to that list. Find whatever is relaxing and try to get it in once a week or at least twice a month. It's rejuvenating and and will give us the energy to suit up and give our life the full court press that being a stay at home Mom requires... for at least a couple of days.

Stylin' Mom or Style Bomb?

I have a confession. I am completely and utterly devoted to my black yoga pants. I love them like a best friend, they're there for me no matter how much weight I pack on, and always make me feel comfortable and cozy. I wear them in the summer with flip flops and in the winter with sneaks. If you see me in anything else you can bet I'm counting down till I can change back into them. But, truth be told, I know I rock them a little too often.

My sister, a recovering sweat pant addict, has become a stylist. (Check her out @ stylednw.com, she's awesome!) In exchange for nearly thirty years of unconditional love and eternal devotion, she advises me on the best jeans for my shape and the hot new accessory for fall. While I love it, I also know I'm first and foremost a Mom who will never have enough time to look as pulled together as I used to. So, I'm no stylist, but I do have some tricks up my sleeve to achieve comfort and a passable style for PTA meetings, date night, and running errands.

You'll have to have a few core pieces, but most of them you can find in your wardrobe. The essentials begin with a great pair of dark denim boot cut jeans. They can be dressed up with heels or cute boots, but also look great with city sneakers. Levi's makes a pair with a tummy control panel (hello Mom's! perfect post baby!) and they come in three different lengths. For a school event I'll wear a black tee with it, perfectly slimming, hides the applesauce finger stains and still looks chic. I am a big fan of a basic black tee, but I love to find one with a little detail. A ruffle along the neckline or a flutter sleeve makes it look more purposeful. You can do any color shoe, or keep it streamlined with black. This also works in white for summer, but beware of sticky fingers.

Another essential is a great knee length skirt. Any color will work, but I am devoted to black and denim. A skirt instantly adds femininity, perfect for date night. Tights are still big for fall and winter (thank you God) not only to keep warm but they suck us in! Keep it monochromatic for even more skinny deception or grab that cute black tee and throw a colorful cardigan over it. I can look polished with minimal effort.

My last tip is this; always have a statement piece in your wardrobe. It can be a great shoe, a colorful bag, or a yummy leather jacket. It should be an extension of who you are, if you love the preppy style it might be an awesome argyle sweater, or if you have a little more rocker edge maybe it's an amazing gladiator shoe. Mine are turquoise flats and a beautiful eyelet blazer. If you know it ups your style, wear it every chance you get.

So, if you're like me and the thought of wearing real clothes sends you into wardrobe panic, having a couple of go to outfits makes those unavoidable occasions manageable. Remember to throw the Tide-to-Go in your bag, and relax. Your yoga pants will thank you. Now if you'll excuse, me I have to go change.