Don't Marry your Brother

We have been lots of conversations at my house about having babies. Who can have them? Mommy's. Where do you have them? Most often at the hospital. And of course how do you get them in your belly? Yikes! This is an expected topic, after all I am 7 months pregnant, but talk about uncomfortable! I do not want to have this talk with my daughter, but it has to be done.

I subscribe to the philosophy that as a parent you have an obligation to be truthful with your children, excluding childhood friendly ideals that are widely encouraged like the big jolly man in red. However, those truths have to be age appropriate. I am not going to have the "birds and the bees" conversation with my four year old, but I will tell my daughter that children grow from love. I told her that Mommy and Daddy love each other very much, that we are best friends, and from that love grew another brother or sister for her. That seemed to appease her curious mind and I felt great for concurring such a difficult topic.

Until this morning.

Little Britches "Mom when I grow up I want to get marry and have three babies."

Me "Sounds nice hun, who are you going to marry?"

Little Britches "My baby Ruby cousin because she's my best friend like Daddy is your best friend right Mamma? But not Mini Boots. He's not a best friend."

I almost pee'd my pants laughing so hard! So innocent and sweet. I adore that she thinks marriage is for best friends. Truthfully the strongest relationships are those with close friendships. Alright, I don't want her to marry her cousin, but even at four she's got something big figured out. Marry your most favorite person, and THEN have babies. And defiantly do not marry your brother. Ever.

Love is a Battlefield

A friend of mine has said, "Four going on fourteen." I can not deny the truth to that claim... and I wish she wasn't so accurate in describing the attitude. I am blown over by the sheer stamina of my daughter's sourpuss face and sassy remarks. I look into her stubborn eyes, watch her pop her hip and cross her arms over her chest as I ask her to pick up her blocks. To which she replies simply, "No." I then repeat (for the 10th time) the consequences of disobeying (time out, then time out in her room), remind her that her job is to follow the rules, and ask her to make a good decision. I don't get emotional, I just militarily recount the rules and enforce if necessary.

This has been repeated countless times everyday for nearly a week. I know that her Dad is gone and I am sympathetic, to a point. However deep her feelings of loss, she needs to respect the rules of the house. This Mama is still in charge and I will win every battle of wills... but I am exhausted! I do not want to argue about every little comment, what's for breakfast, what time is bedtime, what color the grass is! My sister reminded me I'm doing all I can but I just feel so depleted. I want to enjoy my daughter and right now I do not. I hear that this is the same story for teenagers, the never ending attitude, the battle field that stretches as far as the eye can see, and the feelings of despair. I am loosing my baby to her own independent self!

This is probably not going to change anytime soon. And she will wear me out. But I love her madly, and I owe it to her to enforce stability and regulations. As she gets older these clashes of will are sure to become more intense, but if I preserver she'll fall back into step... eventually. Until then I will provide structure, be consistent and stay strong. I feel better armed when I know the lessons she is learning now will serve her well in life. So Mom's remember... love... is a battlefield. Bring your ammo.

Major Mania

I haven't blogged in a while. I've had some life changing experiences in the last several months and have needed time to process and digest the new directions.

I am expecting my third child! We have decided to wait to find out the sex, and I am really looking forward to the Dr announcing "It's a ........!" I am so thrilled, and also incredibly wary of what that will mean for my sanity! Experience has taught me that while I will rise to the occasion, the struggles of raising children increase with each new bundle of responsibiltiy... I mean joy! This may be our last, so I am savoring every moment.

More immediatly, my son Harrison was diagnosed with a language disorder. He has Expressive/Receptive Language Disorder, as well as Speech Articulation disorder. I was quite sad about this at first, and I allowed myself a weekend to cry and morn the notion of a perfect and easy childhood for him. But I know if I am ok with it, he will be too. Life isn't ever perfect, even in childhood. I just had put on my mom jeans and just deal with it. It was time for action.

So I am back in the saddle, preggo and kickin ass for my little man! Let the MANIA continue!

Trying to Rebound

I have felt a little off my game for the last few days. You might say I should be riding the bench. I am trying to support the team but not performing, not going at my usual pace. It's not as if something bad happened, in fact that's the problem, nothing has happened for days. Each day is another version of the same: wake up, make beds, change diapers, feed kids, do dishes, referee children's issues... and repeat... over and over... until it's finally time for bed.

Staying at home can be quite monotonous, and sometimes I feel like I just play defence. There are days when I am pretty sure if I have to do one more jigsaw puzzle I'll scream! It's those days that I miss my childless life. Waking up and thinking "what do I feel like doing today?" and not mentally running through the list of chores awaiting the arrival of my lost motivation.

Like a lot of Mom's I live and die by my schedule. In my house we are not regimented down to the minute, but our life is very consistent from day to day. Life is pretty steady, and the fact that all my plays come out of the same book allows my kids a sense of security, however it can drive me bonkers. The level of stimulation required for my two and three and a half year old, somehow leaves me wanting more....

People like to say that there is nothing more rewarding that being a Mom, and while I agree I have been doing this long enough to know that those rewards are sometimes few and far between. When I can't seem to rebound from a rut, it's usually the universe telling me to get away. Now I am not saying I need a four day vacay to tropical paradise, (although that would be awesome) I can usually bounce back with a couple of hours away. I need a trip to Target with no kids, or coffee with a girlfriend. I need to feel like a person, not just a MOM.

I think staying at home makes it tough to build in times for us to just BE. We can always find a reason not to take time for ourselves, tight budget, messy house, and all the other obligations motherhood brings. I'm just suggesting we add a little breathing room to that list. Find whatever is relaxing and try to get it in once a week or at least twice a month. It's rejuvenating and and will give us the energy to suit up and give our life the full court press that being a stay at home Mom requires... for at least a couple of days.

Stylin' Mom or Style Bomb?

I have a confession. I am completely and utterly devoted to my black yoga pants. I love them like a best friend, they're there for me no matter how much weight I pack on, and always make me feel comfortable and cozy. I wear them in the summer with flip flops and in the winter with sneaks. If you see me in anything else you can bet I'm counting down till I can change back into them. But, truth be told, I know I rock them a little too often.

My sister, a recovering sweat pant addict, has become a stylist. (Check her out @ stylednw.com, she's awesome!) In exchange for nearly thirty years of unconditional love and eternal devotion, she advises me on the best jeans for my shape and the hot new accessory for fall. While I love it, I also know I'm first and foremost a Mom who will never have enough time to look as pulled together as I used to. So, I'm no stylist, but I do have some tricks up my sleeve to achieve comfort and a passable style for PTA meetings, date night, and running errands.

You'll have to have a few core pieces, but most of them you can find in your wardrobe. The essentials begin with a great pair of dark denim boot cut jeans. They can be dressed up with heels or cute boots, but also look great with city sneakers. Levi's makes a pair with a tummy control panel (hello Mom's! perfect post baby!) and they come in three different lengths. For a school event I'll wear a black tee with it, perfectly slimming, hides the applesauce finger stains and still looks chic. I am a big fan of a basic black tee, but I love to find one with a little detail. A ruffle along the neckline or a flutter sleeve makes it look more purposeful. You can do any color shoe, or keep it streamlined with black. This also works in white for summer, but beware of sticky fingers.

Another essential is a great knee length skirt. Any color will work, but I am devoted to black and denim. A skirt instantly adds femininity, perfect for date night. Tights are still big for fall and winter (thank you God) not only to keep warm but they suck us in! Keep it monochromatic for even more skinny deception or grab that cute black tee and throw a colorful cardigan over it. I can look polished with minimal effort.

My last tip is this; always have a statement piece in your wardrobe. It can be a great shoe, a colorful bag, or a yummy leather jacket. It should be an extension of who you are, if you love the preppy style it might be an awesome argyle sweater, or if you have a little more rocker edge maybe it's an amazing gladiator shoe. Mine are turquoise flats and a beautiful eyelet blazer. If you know it ups your style, wear it every chance you get.

So, if you're like me and the thought of wearing real clothes sends you into wardrobe panic, having a couple of go to outfits makes those unavoidable occasions manageable. Remember to throw the Tide-to-Go in your bag, and relax. Your yoga pants will thank you. Now if you'll excuse, me I have to go change.

Messy Masterpiece

I have this friend who is perfect. You know the type, had four kids but always looks rested. Works out everyday, and shows off her hot bod in stylish and accessorised outfits. Her kids are always well behaved and never paint the kitchen table in ketchup, or have lop-sided braids. I on the other hand, am lucky to get a shower by noon, and like to consider myself "fluffy, but really I'm about 20 lbs overweight. Her house is always clean and smells like fresh cut flowers instead of dirty diapers like mine. She made organic salmon with capers in a white wine sauce for dinner, and my kids got mac-n-cheese. I love her, but also kind of hate her!

Despite my best affirmations, "You are the best Mom for your kids," I still compare myself to her. She is my version of a super mom. And no matter how organized I am, or how late I stay up doing chores there will always be some corner of my house that's not cleaned often enough. But isn't that OK? When did the expectation for stay at home mom's become perfection? The truth is, juggling it all, is hard work. Moms have an overwhelming work load, and the job is never really done. Our work literally follows us home. Let's try to dismiss the notion that clean houses and gourmet meals define our level of achievements. Lets embrace each other as less than perfect, but pretty good, most of the time. Motherhood changes your priorities, and the only goal should be to get by and enjoy it while it lasts. I don't have nearly as much time as I used to, and I don't care as much about having a clean house or cute clothes. My kids are fed, they are clothed, and they are sometimes naughty, but hey, who cares when most of the time we're laughing and smiling?

We all have friends who seem perfect but remember even those Moms go crazy and if you hang around long enough you'll see they're really just like us, doing their best day by day. And we just might pick up a few good recipes! So even though standing next to her I surely look like a sloppy mess, I want the reflection of who I am as a mom to be happy kids. If those two cuties are smiling no one's going to notice my floors haven't been mopped since the ketchup incident.

Can you spell MOM?

It's 7 am. I got to bed at 1 am. To put it mildly, I am exhausted. Normally my daughter comes in to my room, crawls in bed and tells me about her dreams, and what she wants to eat for breakfast. Her suggestion is usually something outrageous like pineapple pancakes. I then attempt to portray the deliciousness of a big bowl of Rice Krispie's because Mommy is not a morning person and there is no way I am stirring batter and flipping 'cakes till I have had at least two cups of coffee. But this is no usual morning....

"MOOOOMMMMM! Harrison pooped, P-O-O-P. Pooped. And it is REEAAALLLY stinkey." Oy. This is how my day began, and I was not impressed. OK, OK, was I impressed that she could spell poop? Yes. But this is also disturbing. Not only do I have to get out of bed to change an apparently very stinky poopey diaper immediately, but my not even four year old is spelling. And this just presents all kinds of problems.

I married a sailor and I can curse with the best of them. When I had to give up swearing in front of my kids, I missed it, but at least I could get my point across to anyone who could read if I needed to. And now even that level of freedom seems to be slipping away. How am I going to talk to their father about wheather or not we should have ice cream for dessert? How will I tell my Mom what Santa is building in his workshop for Christmas? How will I tell my best friend that there was a real A-S-S-H-O-L-E working at the jiffy lube?

I could embrace the "do as I say not as I do" attitude, but anyone who's had their 18mo old saying "Ohhh Shit" knows this won't work. (And yes that was when I decided I needed to spell my dirty words, it was one the the funniest and adorable if inappropriate things my daughter has ever done. I still laugh thinking about it). My only other option is to clean up my mouth. That doesn't sound like any fun at all but that's the thing about kids, they turn you into the adults you swore you'd never be.

So, I got up, changed a diaper and made pancakes (not pineapple, but still...) and began mourning another piece of my carefree youthful attitude. As I was serving them to an anxious pair, Evelyn said "Mom, I love you. I want to give you a kiss, K-I-S kiss." I melted, and got over the loss of my beloved curse words in that moment, and embraced the adult I should be.

Be Prepared

We had a Dr's appointment at 9 am on Thursday, and all three of us had to be dressed, fed and buckled in by 8:15. Yikes! Not an easy feat for any family, but especially mine who linger over cereal and resist my every attempt to speed it along. After a few years of rushing I have learned a few tricks.

When the kids were babies, I kept my diaper bag packed. When I got home I made sure to restock diapers, wipes and snacks so I always knew it was ready when I was. Now that the kids are a little older I have a cloth cosmetics bag I throw in my purse with two diapers, and wipes. It's enough to get me in and out of the grocery store, or run other short errands and I don't have to lug around a big bag for short trips.

I also keep an "emergency bag" in the car. Not only do I have first aid, I also keep a couple juice boxes, spare clothes, ziplock bags and a few interesting quiet toys. Lately I have loved the travel size Magna Doodle and Travel Color Wonder books by Crayola. They can't make a mess and buy you at least 5 minutes each, just enough time to discuss potential allergies or potty training with their pediatrician. If you only pull it out on a few occasions they won't get bored just remember to tuck it away again post visit.

Longer trips like a day at the zoo require a little more planning, but can also be easy if you prepare properly. I use a collapsible cooler with individual size snacks like applesauce, Lunchables and string cheese. Regular old disposable spoons are a godsend and you can freeze water bottles and juice boxes the night before. When you are ready to drink them they'll have thawed but still be cool. As the day goes by and you get tired, your load will get lighter and easier to manage.

When I am prepared I can relax and really concentrate on the doctor, or enjoy my day with the kids. On Thursday we made it to the dr's office on time, I was ready and my kids didn't feel rushed... gotta love that! Happy trips Moms!

Positive Responsibility

For the last six weeks, I have been bashing my head into the wall repeatedly. What brings me to such frustrations? My strong-willed, nearly four year old daughter. She can be as sweet as pie, or as rotten as moldy tomatoes! I have tried everything to get her to obey the basic rules of the house: time outs, taking beloved toys away, sending her to her room, and nothing was working. I never envisioned myself as a mad mother, I don't like to yell or threaten, but suddenly I had become exactly that. I needed a mommy intervention!

I took one evening and wrote down exactly what I expected out of my little girl, and what behaviors were unacceptable. As I was writing, I realized I was, in essence, creating a responsibility chart. It included chores; feed the dog, clean your room, and also behavioral goals such as be respectful, share and no whining. I remembered buying a chore chart a couple of years ago, and dug it out. I made a few changes to make it fit my family's needs, and found a prominent place to hang it up. I got a good night's sleep and began with a renewed commitment the next morning.

It's hard. I had to be constantly vigilant towards the good behavior, and ready to recognize it in that instant. I focused on retraining myself instead of punishing her. And after a few days she became very aware of what it takes to earn her smiley faces, knowing that once a row is filled up she gets a treat. The bad behavior that was driving me to self-brutalization is not as frequent and I am guiding her to positive actions with nearly no negative attention. She has a much happier and confident demeanor, and I am living in a peaceful household once again. Thank you Responsibility Chart, I am converted!

I love Melissa and Doug's version, which includes blank blocks to customize for your children, but you can always make your own with construction paper and stickers.

Rules for You

I was speaking with my lovely sister who has a brand new baby to snuggle and love, but like most first-time moms, is struggling to adjust to sleepless nights. I remember feeling resentful when bonding was so important, and needing sleep more than I ever had. But, of course when a new baby is at home everything in your life revolves around their schedule which means little to no sleep. And how to do you rectify that especially if you are an (amazing and devoted) breast feeding mother? To put it simply, you won't. You'll be tired. You'll wish you could implant milk jugs right onto your hubby and just get six hours straight through! However, until plastic surgon's figure that out, we're left with a few options.

1. Suck it up and deal, sleep when the baby sleeps and remember this too shall pass.

2. Supplement by pumping and either top baby off, or pass one feeding to your husband.

3. Introduce formula, it's harder to digest and keeps baby full a little longer.

Over the first years of my childrens' lives I tried all three, and I think they all work. It's most important to feel good about your decision and not just survive the early months, but thrive. Switch it up until you feel comfortable, it won't be the last time you use trial and error to get results! The best thing you can do for your baby is feel relaxed and rested, so forget the rules and give yourself permission to do what works for your family.