Don't Negotiate with Terrorists

In my house, I am in charge. Now, I may be holding court by a very slim margin... after all I am outnumbered three to one, but each day I continue to maintain my authority. However, the nature of kids is that they are almost ALWAYS attempting a coup. They think they are going to take over but I have several strategies to defend my territory. In fact it's quite similar to how our government deals with terrorists..... below are some effective tactics to use.


Stress positions- Our government makes terrorists sit on their knees with their arms stretched behind them, and while this seems a bit harsh for a two year old, I do employ the age old punishment of sending my kids to Time Out. And as they get older Time Out turns into Nose and Toes facing a corner. It may be the perfect interrogation tactic. For example "Tell me who painted with toothpaste or I will put you both in Time Out (aka a stress position)". It does work quite effectively and comes highly recommended from CIA and parents alike.

Sensory derivation- Now at GITMO (a terrorist prison), the terrorists are sent into prison cells, with no sunlight and limited contact with others. And as much as I may wish I could pop my kids into a locked cell while I enjoy a long phone call, CPS may frown on that behavior. But never fear Mommy's! You too can utilize sensory deprivation tactics by sending naughty children to their rooms. They miss out on all the "fun" and once released, tend to conform to the warden's (ie my) rules.

Zero Tolerance- Airports have taken a strict position on potential threats, they call it a zero tolerance stance. For example, once someone threatens a bomb in their shoe, every single person must take off their shoes for inspection any time they enter the "secure area". I follow the same rule with my kids. Once one child colors on the walls of their bedrooms with maker, each child must be patted down before every nap. There is no room for exception... if I don't want my house to resemble a graffiti plastered skate park.

Don't Negotiate With Terrorists- Seemingly easy to follow, I find myself struggling with this one most frequently. You see they ALWAYS have a reason why they needed to do what they did, and if you let them explain they expect negotiations to follow. There is no room for discussion, you break the rules you suffer the consequences. It's about the only thing me and old G.W. saw eye to eye on.

Our government describes a terrorist as "a radical who employs terror as a weapon; usually organizes with other terrorists." Hmmm..... sounds like kids to me! So when you are at home, and dealing with your little ones remember that your position of power must be constantly defended. Children, like terrorists, seek out your weaknesses and target them repeatedly. The trick is to keep security on full alert and stay one step ahed at all times. Do not underestimate the children, no matter how small and adorable they seem... they are a threat.