Mini Boots has hit a snag with his Speech and Language therapy. When he came up for a progress report, we realized he is technically performing at the average level (can I get a woo woo?) The range is large and he is on the very lowest end, but it's still average. What I didn't know is unfortunately once you hit that range, our insurance will no longer cover his services. So our insurance isn't paying and our IEP sill isn't complete, which means we aren't getting services there either. The out of pocket cost to provide Language therapy is astronomical, but the alternative is letting him fall behind. As I parent I am not sure how to reconcile letting that happen, or how to accept going broke paying for it ourselves.
So I have been talking to people. Turns out I have some amazing friends who work in healthcare that spent a LOT of time trying to find a loop hole. (Thank you!) I read each medical jargon laden page of our plan and am officially an expert in "maintenance services." I posted it on my facebook because you never know who knows someone who can help. I begged my therapist to provide me with a home plan. And since she totally rocks she even gave me some extra time in our session to help me navigate it. So even though we are being proactive, I am discouraged, and pissed and about to bust out a stiletto. But as I have been talking to everyone about this, scrambling for help, what has been the second most irritating about this is the moronic things people say...
Here it is. My list of things never to say to a Mother of a Special Needs Kid:
1. "He doesnt look any different."
No. He doesn't. Surprisingly neither do you but there are obviously problems going on there.
2. "Do you work with him at home?"
No. We don't. We do however, let him watch the boob tube ten hours a day. And give him an endless supply of junk. Oh and we never talk or read or play with him. Ever. I'm sure it'll just go away eventually.
3. "My kid has the opposite problem. He's so smart."
Really? Well too bad he didn't get it from you or you'd realize having a Language/Learning disorder doesn't actually mean he's stupid. Too many big words?
4. "Well my kids was like that and it went away sooo..."
Look, either you're in denail or you're dumb. Now I'm leaning towards the latter because at some point you can't dig fast enough to keep your head in the sand. So your kid is either still struggling with his disorder or with the fact his Mom is an idiot. Poor kid.
Mini Boot's might not be able to articulate it but I can: My kid is smart and deserves all the world has to offer. No one will stop me form getting it for him. Not even the morons.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Short on it All
Since the new year began I seem to be short on everything. Short on time, short on money, short on patience. Not the best fresh start. And definitely not how I envisioned this year going. But it IS only January so I am going to give it sometime to sort itself out before I voluntarily commit myself. In the meantime here are a few "savers" I'm using to make my life smoother.
Time Savers
*Buy all cards and gifts AND wrapping for the month in one trip.
*Bonus if you can do this while also grocery shopping (Hello Super Target with a Starbucks).
*Responsibility chart is in full effect, kids must clean their rooms and put away all belongings including laundry. Who couldn't use a little child labor in their life?
*Mommy Inbox! Have kids put homework, bills, fundraiser forms, basically all important paperwork in one spot to be sorted and checked at your convenience (also known as in bed with a XXL glass of wine and Real Housewives on the boob tube).
Money Savers
*Buy items you use all the time in bulk. Like diapers, dinosaur chicken nuggets, juice boxes, cereal, wine... you know the basics.
*Check out Groupon for a date night. For kids stuff check craigslist before going to the store.
*Meal plan. Simple yet effective way to avoid the impulse buys, and you will probably eat better too!
*Find your local consignment store. Shop and sell whenever you can!
*Keep a list of things you and your kids need with you so you're less tempted to over shop. I have clothing lists (including sizes), restock lists and gift ideas on my phone.
*Swap babysitting with a friend.
Patience Savers
*Set your timers (one five minute warning ding can save your life) so kids know when they need to move on to something else.
*Make them responsible for as much as they can handle, but ensure they get rewarded from time to time so they will WANT to continue the desired behaviors.
*Wine. Lots of wine.
Maybe it'll help. Maybe by March I'll get in the swing of this... or maybe I'll just be short on everything until my kids are in college.
****Mommy Inbox idea curtesy of my friend Miss M. Thank You for sharing!****
Time Savers
*Buy all cards and gifts AND wrapping for the month in one trip.
*Bonus if you can do this while also grocery shopping (Hello Super Target with a Starbucks).
*Responsibility chart is in full effect, kids must clean their rooms and put away all belongings including laundry. Who couldn't use a little child labor in their life?
*Mommy Inbox! Have kids put homework, bills, fundraiser forms, basically all important paperwork in one spot to be sorted and checked at your convenience (also known as in bed with a XXL glass of wine and Real Housewives on the boob tube).
Money Savers
*Buy items you use all the time in bulk. Like diapers, dinosaur chicken nuggets, juice boxes, cereal, wine... you know the basics.
*Check out Groupon for a date night. For kids stuff check craigslist before going to the store.
*Meal plan. Simple yet effective way to avoid the impulse buys, and you will probably eat better too!
*Find your local consignment store. Shop and sell whenever you can!
*Keep a list of things you and your kids need with you so you're less tempted to over shop. I have clothing lists (including sizes), restock lists and gift ideas on my phone.
*Swap babysitting with a friend.
Patience Savers
*Set your timers (one five minute warning ding can save your life) so kids know when they need to move on to something else.
*Make them responsible for as much as they can handle, but ensure they get rewarded from time to time so they will WANT to continue the desired behaviors.
*Wine. Lots of wine.
Maybe it'll help. Maybe by March I'll get in the swing of this... or maybe I'll just be short on everything until my kids are in college.
****Mommy Inbox idea curtesy of my friend Miss M. Thank You for sharing!****
Monday, January 3, 2011
My Aunt Lori and a Perfect Weekend Mini-Break
Have I blogged about my Aunt Lori? She's so fantastic. She's one of those Mom's who had a zillion kids (ok four, but between neighborhood kids and her own... that equals a zillion), could do it with her eyes closed and loves to help. It's kind of a dream whenever she comes. My kids adore her, and they seem to zen out when she is near. She calms me. She reminds me it's a hard job and I'd better ease up on my crazy supermom expectations and enjoy this time with my kids. Last time she came she taught me how to use my sewing machine and helped me make cafe curtains for my kitchen. This time she came she watched all three kids while my husband and I got a weekend out of town. A WHOLE WEEKEND. She did because she knew we needed it, because we have never even gone out to dinner on our anniversary, and because she is just that awesome.
Getting away with Super Boots was spectacular. We had an amazing time. We remembered how much we like each other. We rediscovered how much we enjoy exploring a new place, that we are aspiring foodie's and that no matter how cool and grown up martini's make us look, we hate them. So what did we do? Well...
We held hands while we walked (because we didn't have to keep kids close).
We lingered over meals (because no one was getting antsy).
We slept in (because no one needed breakfast or a diaper changed).
We left our hotel in the middle of the day (because there was no one demanding a nap with their terrible behavior).
We sat and watched the world go by on the river (because we didn't have kids to hawk eye).
We were so deep in the blur of kiddie needs we had almost forgotten what it was like to be only worried about us. So how do you say thank you to someone who offers such an amazing gift? How can you acknowledge that they gave you back a piece of yourself and let you invest in your relationship in a way only an out of town experience can? The truth is, you really can't. But here's what makes my Aunt Lori so amazing. She already knows. She gets how important it is to be a husband and wife, with no kids from time to time. I am forever grateful to have someone say to me "Liz. You need this. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine. But you, my dear, you need to do this." So Thanks Aunt Lori. I wouldn't have asked for it, but you were right, I needed it. We needed it. And I will be forever grateful.
Getting away with Super Boots was spectacular. We had an amazing time. We remembered how much we like each other. We rediscovered how much we enjoy exploring a new place, that we are aspiring foodie's and that no matter how cool and grown up martini's make us look, we hate them. So what did we do? Well...
We held hands while we walked (because we didn't have to keep kids close).
We lingered over meals (because no one was getting antsy).
We slept in (because no one needed breakfast or a diaper changed).
We left our hotel in the middle of the day (because there was no one demanding a nap with their terrible behavior).
We sat and watched the world go by on the river (because we didn't have kids to hawk eye).
We were so deep in the blur of kiddie needs we had almost forgotten what it was like to be only worried about us. So how do you say thank you to someone who offers such an amazing gift? How can you acknowledge that they gave you back a piece of yourself and let you invest in your relationship in a way only an out of town experience can? The truth is, you really can't. But here's what makes my Aunt Lori so amazing. She already knows. She gets how important it is to be a husband and wife, with no kids from time to time. I am forever grateful to have someone say to me "Liz. You need this. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine. But you, my dear, you need to do this." So Thanks Aunt Lori. I wouldn't have asked for it, but you were right, I needed it. We needed it. And I will be forever grateful.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
It's a New Year
I have made a lot of resolutions over the years. Most of the time they stick. But when I speak to people about their own resolutions the responses are varied but similar in that they expect not to follow them. I always make every effort, and even if I slip up, I keep trying. It seems like the new year is a fresh start, a time to reflect on how we can improve ourselves and set personal goals. Am I in the minority? Because I will choose to work on myself?
This year I am making three.
*Spend time with myself. I will take the time to nurture the things that make me feel good, whole. I will invest in my relationship with myself as I would a relationship with a dear friend. I will take myself out for coffee, and treat myself to a girls day at the spa. I will build in time to exercise because it makes me feel strong. I will spend quiet time with a book because it brings me peace. I will be more sensitive to my needs. I will support my passions as important.
*Eat my fruits, veggies and protein. I love this one. I started this last year, focusing on fruits and veggies, and it changed my view on food as well as the kinds of food that make me energized. I am adding protein to the list this year hoping to work on balanced plates.
*I will define and maintain personal boundaries. We all have people in our lives who don't bring positive energy. And if it's someone you love not providing a supportive space, emotionally separating yourself can be especially difficult. After years of not being fulfilled by someone claiming to be a loving member of my life I will no longer allow my own sadness and fear of loss to dictate the course the relationship takes. And I will be better for it. I feel lighter just saying it!
I guess there is a theme.... taking care of myself. And I deserve to be taken care of. So this is MY year.
This year I am making three.
*Spend time with myself. I will take the time to nurture the things that make me feel good, whole. I will invest in my relationship with myself as I would a relationship with a dear friend. I will take myself out for coffee, and treat myself to a girls day at the spa. I will build in time to exercise because it makes me feel strong. I will spend quiet time with a book because it brings me peace. I will be more sensitive to my needs. I will support my passions as important.
*Eat my fruits, veggies and protein. I love this one. I started this last year, focusing on fruits and veggies, and it changed my view on food as well as the kinds of food that make me energized. I am adding protein to the list this year hoping to work on balanced plates.
*I will define and maintain personal boundaries. We all have people in our lives who don't bring positive energy. And if it's someone you love not providing a supportive space, emotionally separating yourself can be especially difficult. After years of not being fulfilled by someone claiming to be a loving member of my life I will no longer allow my own sadness and fear of loss to dictate the course the relationship takes. And I will be better for it. I feel lighter just saying it!
I guess there is a theme.... taking care of myself. And I deserve to be taken care of. So this is MY year.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Belated Thankful List
***I was going to publish on Thanksgiving, but didn't... obviously I suck***
This year my Thankful list is long. I have three wonderful children who make me laugh, give me the opportunity to exercise patience and strengthen my ability to show devotion and intense love. I have married my best friend, the only person who makes me laugh when I am so angry I could punch someone, the only person who has ever supported me not matter what I say or do. We have a house we have made a home together. I am never alone in this life because I have a few friends I know will be with me until my hair is blue and my teeth are in a jar. And we all have our health. I am living the life I love, and for that I am Thankful.
This year my Thankful list is long. I have three wonderful children who make me laugh, give me the opportunity to exercise patience and strengthen my ability to show devotion and intense love. I have married my best friend, the only person who makes me laugh when I am so angry I could punch someone, the only person who has ever supported me not matter what I say or do. We have a house we have made a home together. I am never alone in this life because I have a few friends I know will be with me until my hair is blue and my teeth are in a jar. And we all have our health. I am living the life I love, and for that I am Thankful.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Update
I have totally sucked at blogging for the last 10 days. First I got sick, which is not allowed in Mommyhood. Then we traveled 2200 miles to see family for the Thanksgiving Holiday. Just in case you are wondering it was 39 1/2 hours in the car round trip, 5 of which Mighty Mouse screamed non stop. Also, I had some minor computer issues which I chose to ignore until we got home. But now we are home! So I DO have some catching up to do, but hopefully I will be able to put up the 3 days of posts I missed and regularly scheduled posts. Bear with me! Also Christmas is in 26 days, 2 hours and 9 minutes. You're welcome.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Road Trip Lessons
There are a few things you need to know before traveling over 400 miles with your kids in the car.
1. They will cry for McDonalds every time they see one. And you will give in at every meal time because they give toys. Which will keep them quiet for 30 minutes.
2. Legos, Play Dough and Puzzels are awesome. But not on a road trip.
3. The only thing more annoying than hearing "Are we there yet?" is "Mom I have to pee." Because you have to stop. And once they know you have to stop... they have to pee every twenty minutes.
4. You will spend half the trip telling them "Ok. I heard you. But there is nothing I can do about it right now!"
5. No matter how organized you are, you will a) not be able to get to what you need or b) you will have forgotten it.
6. You must wear sweatpants (or even better yoga pants) because your ass will grow an entire dress size in one trip. Because you are stopping at McDonalds every 4 hours.
But hugging the people you traveled twenty hours, seventeen happy meals, and countless pee breaks to see? Totally worth it.
1. They will cry for McDonalds every time they see one. And you will give in at every meal time because they give toys. Which will keep them quiet for 30 minutes.
2. Legos, Play Dough and Puzzels are awesome. But not on a road trip.
3. The only thing more annoying than hearing "Are we there yet?" is "Mom I have to pee." Because you have to stop. And once they know you have to stop... they have to pee every twenty minutes.
4. You will spend half the trip telling them "Ok. I heard you. But there is nothing I can do about it right now!"
5. No matter how organized you are, you will a) not be able to get to what you need or b) you will have forgotten it.
6. You must wear sweatpants (or even better yoga pants) because your ass will grow an entire dress size in one trip. Because you are stopping at McDonalds every 4 hours.
But hugging the people you traveled twenty hours, seventeen happy meals, and countless pee breaks to see? Totally worth it.
Road Trip To Do:
We are going on a road trip for Thanksgiving. The kids, my 24 year old cousin and myself will be driving to Chicago. The drive is almost 17 hours not including breaks for peeing, breastfeeding, eating and playing. I have been planning, sorting, listing and packing for three days. Wanna know what the list looks like? I thought so....
1. Wash winter clothes.
2. Pack Little Britches clothes.
3. Pack Mini Boots clothes.
4. Pack Mighty Mouse clothes... crap. He has no winter clothes.
5. Go Shopping for Mighty Mouse winter clothes.
6. Wash new winter clothes.
7. Pack Mighty Mouse clothes.
8. Repack Little Britches because I can not shop for clothes without buying her something new.
9. Wash my clothes.
10. Start to pack, remember that I have to take the car in before they close.
11. Take car in for oil change and tire rotation. Wish Super Boots was here to deal with car crap.
12. Clean car. Find 22 french fries, 2 half empty juice boxes, 67 cents. Wish even more Super Boots could take over car stuff.
13. Pack toys for kids in the car.
14. End up sorting all of toys they own just to find the Leapster. Realize half their toys are broken, out grown or annoying.
15. Bring sorted toys to Goodwill.
16. End up buying more toys at Goodwill
17. Pack kids toys.
18. Pack for myself. Realize everything I want to bring doesn't fit or is dirty.
19. Wash my clothes again.
20. Pack snacks for the road.
21. Go to the grocery store because we have nothing that qualifies as "road food."
22. Realize I left my laundry in the wash and now it has a slight oder. Re-wash.
22. Pack snacks.
23. Clean house.
24. Find 34 things I need to bring on the trip and repack.
25. Pack my clothes, finally.
26. Load car. Realize I suck at this and kinda hate Super Boots for being gone. (Because he totally would rather be there than going to see family for Thanksgiving with his family).
27. Have a nagging feeling I am forgetting something but know that can not be possible as I have almost the entire contents of my house loaded into the mini van.
28. Get Gas.
29. Remember I did forget something. Shoes.
30. Feel thankful for Walmart, get shoes, more snacks and a Christmas decoration for the car.
31. Put on Christmas music and try to forget that we are going 1100 miles for Thanksgiving with three kids... and no Daddy.
Yeah, I love road trips... once we are on the road that is.
1. Wash winter clothes.
2. Pack Little Britches clothes.
3. Pack Mini Boots clothes.
4. Pack Mighty Mouse clothes... crap. He has no winter clothes.
5. Go Shopping for Mighty Mouse winter clothes.
6. Wash new winter clothes.
7. Pack Mighty Mouse clothes.
8. Repack Little Britches because I can not shop for clothes without buying her something new.
9. Wash my clothes.
10. Start to pack, remember that I have to take the car in before they close.
11. Take car in for oil change and tire rotation. Wish Super Boots was here to deal with car crap.
12. Clean car. Find 22 french fries, 2 half empty juice boxes, 67 cents. Wish even more Super Boots could take over car stuff.
13. Pack toys for kids in the car.
14. End up sorting all of toys they own just to find the Leapster. Realize half their toys are broken, out grown or annoying.
15. Bring sorted toys to Goodwill.
16. End up buying more toys at Goodwill
17. Pack kids toys.
18. Pack for myself. Realize everything I want to bring doesn't fit or is dirty.
19. Wash my clothes again.
20. Pack snacks for the road.
21. Go to the grocery store because we have nothing that qualifies as "road food."
22. Realize I left my laundry in the wash and now it has a slight oder. Re-wash.
22. Pack snacks.
23. Clean house.
24. Find 34 things I need to bring on the trip and repack.
25. Pack my clothes, finally.
26. Load car. Realize I suck at this and kinda hate Super Boots for being gone. (Because he totally would rather be there than going to see family for Thanksgiving with his family).
27. Have a nagging feeling I am forgetting something but know that can not be possible as I have almost the entire contents of my house loaded into the mini van.
28. Get Gas.
29. Remember I did forget something. Shoes.
30. Feel thankful for Walmart, get shoes, more snacks and a Christmas decoration for the car.
31. Put on Christmas music and try to forget that we are going 1100 miles for Thanksgiving with three kids... and no Daddy.
Yeah, I love road trips... once we are on the road that is.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Meltdown City
Today I took a trip to Meltdown city. Population Little Britches and Mini Boots. Oh...and the entire school... plus every child's parents. Yup I was that Mom today. The one whose kids are loosing it in front of everyone. It was horrible. As you know the kids have been a little under the weather. Since they had been home for three days, I made the executive decision to send them to school. After all it was the Thanksgiving program, and I didn't want them to miss it over a cold.
During the program they did really well. Mini Boots got a case of stage fright and refused to sing but did all the hand motions. Little Britches lit up when she saw me and sang louder than any other child. Their costumes we darling and they couldn't have been more adorable. But as soon as I picked them up from their classrooms, the melting began. The worst of it came just as we were in line for the luncheon. Mini Boots was crying for a cookie, and Little Britches began playing following the leader with the naughty kid whose parents don't care. So when I told her to stand still she burst into tears and chimed in on Mini Boot's need for an cookie right now. I'm in line, both are crying, and then the baby starts wailing. Perfect. Of course, I am like we are outta here. No lunch, no cookie, lets just go.
Just as I was scooping them up and running for the door, someone took pity on me and my poor parenting skills. Thank God for compassionate teachers. One came up and offered a helping hand, got the kids cooled down and let me tend to the baby. And Thank God for cousins. Because she got the kids food, drinks and the coveted cookie. Even though it was all a disaster, I am accepting that I need some help, and learning to take it when it's offered. And that's ok. Especially when you live in Meltdown City.
During the program they did really well. Mini Boots got a case of stage fright and refused to sing but did all the hand motions. Little Britches lit up when she saw me and sang louder than any other child. Their costumes we darling and they couldn't have been more adorable. But as soon as I picked them up from their classrooms, the melting began. The worst of it came just as we were in line for the luncheon. Mini Boots was crying for a cookie, and Little Britches began playing following the leader with the naughty kid whose parents don't care. So when I told her to stand still she burst into tears and chimed in on Mini Boot's need for an cookie right now. I'm in line, both are crying, and then the baby starts wailing. Perfect. Of course, I am like we are outta here. No lunch, no cookie, lets just go.
Just as I was scooping them up and running for the door, someone took pity on me and my poor parenting skills. Thank God for compassionate teachers. One came up and offered a helping hand, got the kids cooled down and let me tend to the baby. And Thank God for cousins. Because she got the kids food, drinks and the coveted cookie. Even though it was all a disaster, I am accepting that I need some help, and learning to take it when it's offered. And that's ok. Especially when you live in Meltdown City.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Put Those Cars in Row Again and I Will Panic
Every time anyone puts anything in a row around here I FREAK OUT. Did you know that lining things up is an early sign of Autism? Well it is. And since I have a son with speech and language issues (also an indicator) I have an eagle eye for toys lined up. Do all kids do this? Yes. It's called categorizing and is an important part of development, but the thing about having a kid with any kind of disorder means you are living in fear that they will uncover something else. Or that another one of your children will have it, or something worse.
One of the bigger fears I hold is having a child on "The Spectrum." Autism and Asperger's are scary. They are scary because there are a lot of theories about how you get them, and theories about what to do once you have them, but it's not a direct road. There is no A+B = success, no cure. So the Mom's are left to try on therapies until they find one that fits, and hopefully helps. It's daunting. My heart goes out to the Mom's who support their kids through this maze. They aren't just trying to find help, they are trying to unlock the chains around their own children. On a much smaller scale, I know how hard that can be.
When my kids don't answer me after I call their name, or they are avoiding eye contact, I get a little surge of anxiety. God forbid one of them starts flapping their hands (aka self stimulating). I know that getting the diagnosis is the easy (emotionally debilitating) part, but then you can more on and start fighting for your child (less crying with your family, more crying in Dr's offices). But I am always asking for reassurance Mini Boots is not included in the 1 of every 94 boys diagnosed. That number is even higher for military families. Although most likely it would have presented itself already, and thankfully has not, I have another little boy coming up in the ranks. I feel the need for continued vigilance.
In my life I have had a couple of friends whose children clearly had something going on, but they, the parents, were in denial. They couldn't admit it, thought the child would grow out of it, and made excuses not to address whatever it was. But in that scenario the only one punished is the child. If they are not diagnosed, they can not receive help. And I refuse to be one of those Mom's who lets fear paralyze them. If you think something might be going on, put on your big girl panties and deal, because the only one who will pay for your denial is that sweet helpless child of yours.
One of the bigger fears I hold is having a child on "The Spectrum." Autism and Asperger's are scary. They are scary because there are a lot of theories about how you get them, and theories about what to do once you have them, but it's not a direct road. There is no A+B = success, no cure. So the Mom's are left to try on therapies until they find one that fits, and hopefully helps. It's daunting. My heart goes out to the Mom's who support their kids through this maze. They aren't just trying to find help, they are trying to unlock the chains around their own children. On a much smaller scale, I know how hard that can be.
When my kids don't answer me after I call their name, or they are avoiding eye contact, I get a little surge of anxiety. God forbid one of them starts flapping their hands (aka self stimulating). I know that getting the diagnosis is the easy (emotionally debilitating) part, but then you can more on and start fighting for your child (less crying with your family, more crying in Dr's offices). But I am always asking for reassurance Mini Boots is not included in the 1 of every 94 boys diagnosed. That number is even higher for military families. Although most likely it would have presented itself already, and thankfully has not, I have another little boy coming up in the ranks. I feel the need for continued vigilance.
In my life I have had a couple of friends whose children clearly had something going on, but they, the parents, were in denial. They couldn't admit it, thought the child would grow out of it, and made excuses not to address whatever it was. But in that scenario the only one punished is the child. If they are not diagnosed, they can not receive help. And I refuse to be one of those Mom's who lets fear paralyze them. If you think something might be going on, put on your big girl panties and deal, because the only one who will pay for your denial is that sweet helpless child of yours.
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