Saturday, June 26, 2010

Competitive Mommy

There is a Mom lurking in our midsts, and her Motherhood Mafia card has been revoked. You may not recognize her for what she truly is initially, but take heed, you do not want her around. She's is a sneaky little Mommy. At first you love her. She'll listen to you vent about how hard potty training can be, she'll give you gourmet vegan recipes, but just as you're revealing your dark Mommy secrets, she say's something that leaves you speechless. I ran into one just last week. I was shopping for the usual stock ups on diapers, wipes and pull ups when outta no where I heard "Liz! How are you? Oh by the way, the dollar store has great deals on brand-X pull ups. But we can't use them, she (points to daughter) hasn't needed them for over a year. How old is your little guy? I'm surprised he still needs them." KA-POW! Sucker punch right were it counts, in the Mommyhood! You see how this type of Mom operates? She appers nice and even helpful from time to time, but right when you think she'll be the newest member of your MOM-tourage she reveals she is indeed.... Competitive Mommy.

There are a few dead giveaways you'll need to be on the look out for.

*Owns a BOB Jogger, but never walks anything but the mall. Only uses it to discredit your well loved instep.
*Says things like, "My little Suzy was potty trained at 18 months and started reading Mandarin the next year. We think she's gifted. But your three year old will poop in the potty soon enough."
*Comes over and suggests the name of a good housekeeper after she uses your bathroom.
*Tells you she never had to childproof because her kids never touched anything they weren't supposed to... but they listen really well.
*Buys organic but doesn't recycle.
*As your two meltdown over popsicle color exclaims "I don't know how you do it, I'd loose my mind if my kids were fighting so much. My two just seem to adore each other!"
*Will Most likely be a Hot Mom.
*"Oh My! He's not sitting up on his own? Well I guess if the Doctor says it's normal, I'm just used to my kids who sat up at 3 months."
*Her child is enrolled in at least five activities.

No, you may not be able to spot her right away, she wears cool Mom camouflage like no other... but cool Mom she is not. She will cut you with a smile and act like she has no idea she's doing it. It's hard enough being a Mom, there are always going to be things we could to better, and a lot of parenthood is learned through trial and error. The last thing you want is someone reminding you that despite thoughtful parenting and best laid plans, you sometimes fall short. While you're trying to to do your best for your kids, she's trying to do better than you. You need that like you need a leaky pull up at your next play-date together. Which wouldn't have happened if you'd have just listened to her potty training advise... or bought her dollar store pull ups. Bitch.

Friday, June 18, 2010

My Dad

My Dad is a little bit strange. He is a banker and is so cheap he doesn't buy garbage bags, opting instead to REUSE (eww, I know) paper sacks that he empties into his larger garbage can. He buys clothes but won't wear them for months, sometimes years after he's bought them. He eats oatmeal for breakfast and turkey sandwich for lunch about 360 days out of the year. His undiagnosed OCD has him check that the door is locked and the stove is turned off at least three times before he leaves the house. He has a contagious laugh, once he starts he can't stop, and can take a joke. He has beautiful eyes (that I did not get) and a very tender soul (that I did get). But the best thing about my Dad is he shows up for his kids, over and over.

When I was little it was coaching my soccer team, and a few years later he never missed a basketball game. He would wake up at five in the morning, start the car to warm it up and then wake me up to get me to practice on time. I would sit in his car with a blanket wrapped around me and (I'm sure) a very sullen tween attitude and a smart mouth while he drove me 25 minutes round trip out of his way, to practice every morning. He paid for my year abroad, private school and any extra activity I could think of (probably by returning the clothes he hadn't worn) without complaint. He would let me talk about my problems, marveling over the teenagers love logic, but never told me what to do. When I couldn't clean out an apartment, he did it... and then drove my stuff 1000 miles to my new home. He cried at my wedding, and came out to visit whenever the Hubs was gone and I needed some company.

This is not to say he's perfect, he made mistakes and I was a tough kid. But he taught me to own up, take accountability for your actions and learn your lesson. Now that I am raising my own strong willed and free spirited daughter I see how hard it is to balance her need for independence without squishing her spirit. Despite all the times I huffed and puffed, rolled my eyes and slammed my door he still told me he loved me... as he took the door off the hinges. So Happy Fathers Day Dad. Thanks for showing up (over and over and over again) and sticking it out with me. You deserve a gold watch or something! But I'm not going to get it for you... I was raised by a banker and am way too cheap for that.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Way When He Hits the Highway

Deployment is soul sucking. There are no breaks, even when you get a sitter you're still on call. Your kids need more from you than you ever thought you'd have to give and because you're all alone the patience reserve is low. There is a dull ache of worry and heartbreak you carry like a sack of potatoes every moment of the day. All of these stressors can get the best of you quite quickly. It's easy to feel a little woe is me, but no matter how overwhelming it all can be you have to put on the Mom jeans and deal. With many separations under my belt I have come to accept its going to be hard... but there are things I can do to lift my spirits. I try to find things that make me happy and focus my attention on those outlets. So what do I do to get by? I embrace my quirks, and here are three things I have come to love about deployments....

*My Way All Day- You might be looking forward to a lazy Saturday afternoon, but Dad has made other plans. Yard work maybe, or his buddy has a softball game and they need a outfielder. But on deployment, I get to make all the plans! Woo Hoo! Who wants to go to the MALL? (Yes you can ride the train as long as you are quiet while I spent 20 minutes at Sephora trying all kinds of lotions and potions). I can stay in the pool all day, I can let laundry pile up. Early bedtime? Ok! PB&J for dinner? Sounds great Mom! I don't have to answer to anyone, my agenda is all that matters and that is really nice sometimes.

*Hyper-Organization- I admit, I am a bit of an OCD housekeeper. It's not that my home is always super clean, but I like my cleaning schedule and knowing that everything has a place. So while Dad is gone, no one is messing up my neatly stacked, fold facing out towel piles. The kids aren't allowed to track mud in on Tuesday or Friday (clean floor day, thanks for remembering before you let them splash in mud puddles Hun). I can line up my drinks in the fridge, label out. The kids always put their toys away in exactly the right spot because I can oversee it all. Let's face it, unless you want to make yourself (and your man) coo-koo this is not a regular reality. But while he's gone, I love opening my pantry and knowing everything is exactly where it should be...label out.

*Remote CONTROL- No matter how cool your man is, there are shows he is just not into. And they are always the most awesome ones like Real Housewives of anywhere and HBO anything. I can only deal with so much huffing and eye-rolling before I change the channel. But guess what? He's not here and I really need the mental vacay! I get to stay up late with a bowl of popcorn, a 16 & Pregnant marathon and zero judgements (oh be honest, like you don't watch trash too).

I miss him all the time, but finding a little happiness goes a long way in preventing the sad spiral. When I can go to sleep knowing we're all organized and full on mindless TV I wake up wanting to do it again for one more day. After a while I can stop counting the days and start counting the weeks. When he's home a happy chaos rules, and I don't really miss my way. Because having Dad around means doing it "our" way. And together is always the best way.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Don't Cry Over Spilled.... Cheesecake

This last Christmas Dan was gone. My kids were sick and one had puked all over my bed the night before. My Mom was having some health issues. It was the forth year in a row he was gone over the holidays. To top it off it was our first in our new house and I was about 5 months pregnant. I was so depressed! I tried to remind my self I was fortunate to have family coming in for the holidays, but I just couldn't shake the sadness. I wanted him home, I was sick and tired of making the best of it for my kids. I wanted my whole family together, and I was only hanging on by a very frayed thread.

Because I couldn't have what I really wanted (wine) I spent a lot of the time baking... and eating. I had been perfecting my mother in law's famous cheese cake recipe, and was planning on serving it Christmas Eve. I spent about an hour prepping and mixing, and as I was bringing it to the oven the bottom on my spring form pan gave out. I had cheesecake on the floor, all over the oven, and I just stood over it crying. It was such a metaphor for the deployment, no matter how hard I tried to make it ok, it wasn't. After a minute, I wiped my nose and stood up to grab some paper towels when I noticed a delivery van in the driveway. A split second later there was a man with a huge bouquet of flowers standing at my door.

"Just Keep Going" the card read. I was sobbing and my hands were shaking, it was like a message from God right to my heart. (A Christmas Miracle perhaps?) They weren't from any of the usual suspects: my sweet Man, or my best friend. The flowers were from a few of my high school friends with whom I had recently reconnected. These girls, who had almost no connection to the military, and who a year earlier had no idea what happened to me, sent me a lifeline. It came at just the last moment, right as I was breaking down. I was reminded that someone's gotta clean up the cheesecake, and for now that person is me. I might not have my partner to lean on but I would get up everyday and continue to move forward. That glimmer of love kept me going until he got home. I still keep the card on my fridge not just as a reminder of how much a small gesture can keep someones spirits alive, but also so I never forget to "Just Keep Going." No matter how many cheesecakes I drop.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Don't Wait for the Baby Weight

It always seems to be right around two months postpartum that I start feeling really fat. Right after having the little man, weight was dropping off at an astounding rate, and most of it was gone in the first few weeks. But as any Mom will tell you there are always the last few (or in my case 15) pounds that don't want to budge. My old clothes don't fit, and I'll be dammed if I'm wearing maternity anything for one more day. So while I feel so much better after looking like the size of a house for months, I am not where I want to be. Entering my closet feels like walking into a torture chamber. Reminding myself I JUST HAD A BABY (while slightly reassuring) still leaves me asking... what the hell am I going to wear?

I do love my yoga pants, but something about putting on sweats to hit the grocery store because nothing else fits is utterly depressing. And it's summer in florida which means I will not only look lazy, I'll look sweaty, fat and lazy. Not a good combo for the old ego. A lot of people have advise on this, but it usually comes down to flowey tops (ehh, really? The goal is not to look like I'm wearing more maternity tops), leggings (no way. I didn't have a baby in my butt, but it looks like it when the behind is encased in anything close to spandex-ey material), or empire waist dresses (again, maternity and not cute if you need to whip out a boob).

So even though I hate spending money on clothes I know won't fit me for long (god willing) It must be done. So I begrudgingly size up in jeans or capri's. Yes it sucks. But I only buy a couple and (sad as it sounds) I would prefer to be seen as fat than mistaken for pregnant. I buy those jersey skirts, you know the a-line style with a fold over waist? Perfect for summer and you always feel a little dressed up even though they are so totally comfortable they might as well be yoga pants! And finally, my ace in the hole, a v-neck top. Guys will be too busy checking out the jugs to notice the belly (enjoy the rack before they turn into saggy grammy boobs you can tuck into your pants) and lets face it, it's about the only thing you got going for ya right now!

So when someone tires to tell you about these awesome drawstring waist shorts they lived in post baby, remind them that the last thing you need is fabric gathered around your "problem areas" and drive your juicy booty on over to the nearest Target or Old Navy and grab a few things that fit. You deserve to feel good looking in the mirror. Just make sure it's machine washable. Because no matter how good you feel rocking it, no one likes a cute outfit with a sour milk smell.

*DISCLAIMER- I am not a fashionista, so take all of the above with a grain of salt and look forward to Mom Mania's first guest blog from my talented fashion writer and stylist sister (who also just became a Mom! Welcome baby Macey who spends her time just laying around being perfect). I'm sure her post baby style focused tips will not include the pajama jean.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Laundry Day is Everyday

I have been dealing with a lot of transitions lately. Adjusting to baby number three is the big one, but there have been others as well. Daddy headed out again, and both my "big" kids are entering new phases in their lives. All of these changes, while mostly good (except the Daddy leaving part), reminds of the biggest transition I made almost five years ago when I went from married and working to a Stay at Home Mom. I wish I could say it was easy, and I just fit right into it, but I struggled. I missed adult conversations and having a reason to change out of my PJ's every day. I was fortunate to be surrounded by some AH-mazing (and thankfully more experienced) Stay at Home Mom's. They lovingly and patiently passed on their wisdom over wine nights and walks. So while I find myself muddling through these current transitions, I have a good foundation of knowledge to stand on. Being a Stay at Home Mom is the most wonderful job I've had but the learning curve is steep. Since I learned from the best, I figured I'd better share some of the rules I learned to live by....

*Staying at home is a job, give yourself a lunch break everyday.
*If you clean the house a little everyday, you'll almost never have to devote an entire Saturday to it.
*Keep your kids on a routine. You need to know nap time (sanity break) is coming.
*Pack snacks that keep kids busy like raisin boxes or string cheese.
*Yes, juice boxes really are that cool. Bubbles are even cooler.
*If things don't have a home you will spend half your day moving them from one spot to another.
*Laundry day is every day.
*Go outside. Go for a walk, go to the store, play in the yard, just get out.
*Take a shower, even if you have to put a kid in a play pen.
*It's totally cool to rock the sweat pants every day, just make sure they're cute sweats!
*Sometimes kids just have to cry it out.
*If you wanna be the sheriff you gotta lay down the law.
*Whenever you schedule a well baby appointment also schedule a hair appointment. It's time.
*You are not a hawk so baby-proof.
*If another SAHM says "Call Me" she means it. She hasn't talked to an adult all day either.
*When in doubt just keep going.

Sometimes in a laundry, lunch, and diaper frenzy we can forget how lucky we are to be the one to collect all the little moments that make a childhood. Say thank you to the man who makes your job possible. And then tell him to handle bed time while you have a glass of wine. You've earned it.

The Family Vacation

Summertime is upon us already! The sun is shining and we are all looking forward to summertime activities, swimming, running through the sprinkles, BBQ's and ice cream outings are always favorites. But there is one summertime activity that always makes me crazy. The family vacation. Of course we look forward all year to a little get away. As the excitement builds so does the need for organization. Sort of like the Spring not-so-much-of-a Break, Mom duties intensify and down time dwindles. Wheather you're headed to Grandma's, camping or making the childhood pilgrimage to Disney World you can expect chaos. While it's so super dooper fun for you kids, it's a lot of work for us.

Traveling with kids takes planning. Gone are the days of throwing a bikini and flip flops in a bag and hitting the open road. As a Mom, we have to pack for every possible outcome. Will it rain? Better grab rain coats. Going to swim? Don't forget the sunscreen, towels and life jackets. Thinking about hiking? Make sure you have the proper shoes, stroller or carrier and bandaids for the inevitable blister. If you're flying you might wonder is it actually possible to pack an entire toy chest in an airline approved carry on bag? Of course this list doesn't even cover extra clothes, snacks, lovey's and diapers! Phew... I'm tired already!

Once you arrive, you're going to have to address another slew of issues. Hotel rooms are small, and NOT child friendly. Ever. Grandma's house is a bit easier, (she at least TRIES to make it safe) and popping up a tent while the kids explore isn't too bad either. But be warned, as soon as you arrive, no matter how tired you are, the children will be bouncing off the walls! And so begins the long days of grueling back to back to back on the go activities. The kids who are still splashing in the water park at dusk belong to smart parents who realize that if they are not dead on their feet before going back to the room, no one is going to get any rest. Routines go out the window and my kids always get a case of the "we're in public so whacha really gonna do to me if I don't listen" attitude. Don't get me started on sugar highs and junk food overloads.

No matter what craziness ensues, every vacation has those special moments that make it all worth it. The face of a little girl who meets Cinderella ( OMG *squeal* She's sooooo pretty Mom)! Catching their first fish! Roasting marshmallows, or hearing your Mom tell your kids the same story she told you before bed. Best of all is listening the sound of sweet little sighs as they drift off to sleep knowing today was the best day Of. Their. Lives. So while you dread dragging back a week's worth of laundry and can't wait to sleep in you own bed, they will never forget these defining experiences of their childhood. When it comes to the family vacation, pack for the worst and relax. This is supposed to be fun... remember?